The odd tale of George Obama

 

Proof that talent gets you nowhere: only celebrity status counts

LIKE A GOOD READ? I just had lunch with a guy who has written the next Harry Potter, a book so brilliant that it will catapult the world out of recession and usher in a golden age of prosperity for the whole solar system.

Unfortunately no one will publish it.

“My agent said they were only publishing books by celebrity authors these days,” he told me, weeping a much-needed soupcon of salt into his carrot and coriander soup. “Have you ever heard a tale so tragic?”

“Only about six or seven times a day,” I replied.

But could things really be so bad? I comforted him by assuring him that the world's publishers could surely not be that cynical.

*
The following day, he showed me a news item about a book which HAD won a publishing contract. The autobiography of George Obama had been commissioned by a top international publisher.

Who? Surely the US President’s first name is Barack? And polite, genteel columnists (I am not one) are careful never to mention the humiliating fact that he used to call himself “Barry”.

So who’s George?

My informant told me that George was a sort of surplus son of the man who engendered, but did not raise, Barack Obama.

Gulp. So maybe it WAS true. Maybe celebrity status, however minor, is now the ONLY criteria for getting in print.

“But let’s not make over-hasty judgments,” I said. “George's intimate tales of how he and his brother Barack grew up in poverty together could shed fascinating light on the president’s early years.” The disgruntled author said: “Fair point. Except George never met Barack. One grew up in Kenya and the other in Hawaii. They only met, briefly, as adults.”

I continued to defend the publisher: “Maybe this George guy is such a brilliant wordsmith that it’s worth commissioning him to write a book anyway.”

The author replied: “Another fair point—if it was true. But it isn’t. George is no writer. The publisher is paying a journalist to write the book for him.”

The number of legs I had to stand on was diminishing. “Maybe the story itself is great. George was raised by farm chickens but grew up to win a Nobel prize for Africa.”

The author said: “Er, not exactly. George is a 27-year-old ‘community organizer’ who has often been in trouble with the police, usually for drugs offences.”

At that point I gave up. Celebrity status IS now the only criteria for getting your book published.

*
The next morning I saw a news report in which the publisher specifically denied that this was the case. “Even had George Obama not been our president’s half brother, his story is moving and inspirational,” David Rosenthal of Simon and Schuster said.

Okay, everybody who believes that the commissioning of this book has nothing to do with George being related to the US president, raise their hands now.

Anyone? No? Just as I thought.

Okay, all young community organizers in Africa who have been offered US$100,000 to allow ghost writers to pen their biographies, raise your hands now.

Anyone? No? Zero again.

There is only one possible reaction to this horrible discovery. I have to change my name. All emails should from now on refer to me as John Obama.

 

Technorati Tags: celebrity cult,george obama

Comments

[fardel]

It is always the same story
Only rich people can get a loan....
Only famous people get fame...
Others go unnoticed

Poor me , I need money and fame ....
Maybe I 'll get it ..... in a century or two....

[Dean Barrett]

Great article! Unfortunately, writing for live theater is even worse. I understand publishing houses have to make money but these publishers who bullshit like the one above are the worst. At least they should be honest enough that part of the reality of publishing is to make money by publishing celebrity-related junk. Ah, well...

[Sham]

Dont worry fardel,.. You are famous on this site!

[Ellen]

So let's see, to become a celebrity author is easy ---- provided you are already a celebrity author!

[Lemongal]

I like the idea of writing a book like you Nury/John Obama or Dean Barrett but I am very lazy.
Here's my plan.
A ghost writer writes it. A publisher publishes it. I get the money. its teamwork. do you think it could work?

[godiva]

Let's have our DNAs checked, everyone. We might be the half-something of someone famous.

Another thing, what i'm even more afraid is that the George Obama autobiography will sell and the publisher will commission a sequel - "Life after...blah blah blah"

[Kcirtap]

The fundamental point is that.. why are there so many readers want to read this book only because of the author's "famous" surname? Are those hardcore readers the puppet of our crazy consumer culture?

[Vince A]

It really is too bad that we only get to read biographies of the famous (and their half-relatives).

The average working man and woman are fertile material for good biographical accounts:

The Ding! Ding! Way - Memoirs of a Hong Kong tram driver.

Hung by the Neck - The Life of Roast Duck/Roast Goose Cook.

There are Cheaper Ways to the Top - Confessions of Hong Kong Peak Tram Driver.

I Am Not a Suicide Bomber on a Bicycle - Anecdotes of an LPG Tank Delivery Man.

Service at the Top of My Lungs - Reminiscences of a Cantonese Restaurant Waiter

Can You Hold it for 4 More Hours? - Stories of an Emergency Lift Repairman.

Now You See It... - Revelations of a Mong Kok Tourist Trap Owner.

Octopusser - Adventures of an MTR Octopus Recharge Clerk.

Steel Stomach - The Journal of a public toilet cleaning lady.

Secrets to Renewal - Recollections of an Immigration Department Working Visa Renewal Clerk.

[Karuna]

Vince..very funny :)

[Minkha]

Yes, that was hilarious Vince! :-)
But the truth from Nury's post is very sad...

[fardel]

Vince ;
this is great ; when can we read those books?
They must be very interesting, and especially comforting for those who will have no better choice in life....

Wait a minute!

Are you sure that these people do not have more funny stories , (and good ones ) to tell than a secretary, an accountant , a civil servant, or a financers

It reminds me the story of an usherette in the Cannes movies Festival, where the tips were supposedly good.
She walked to the front of the audience and made an announcement:
"Somebody mistakenly gave me a shirt button , brown , plastic,half inch"
Anybody wearing a brown shirt with a missing button come forward please, to recover your property"

[sej]

Nury, I'm curious. Did your friend make the request to the publisher's left ear or right ear? Apparently that makes a difference too.

A study showed 34 of 88 clubbers approached on the right allowed a woman to take one of their cigarettes, whilst only 17 of another 88 clubbers approached on the left allowed the woman to take a cigarette.

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/06/earcigarette/

After finding this, I'm going to see if I can get my son to start following instructions. Wish me luck!

[David V]

I agree with sham, many commentators of this blog are in fact now sort of "famous" to the eyes of those who follow Nury regularly. Nury is your Barack in a way, except you may not get paid for that, yet :)

[Mushfiq]

Its VERY true... we even see these stuffs in schools

Kids who shows off all the time gets most attention, and is credited for doing NOTHING, and people who are dedicated and work hard gets nothing in return. so it shows that popularity is what matters, nothing else

btw, Thanks for the article Nury

[Ricardo]

Hate to criticise but it's "ONLY criterion". "Criteria" is the plural, "criterion" the singular.

[Vaibhav]

100,000$. almost enough for me to commit crimes, go to jail, reform myself and then try and sell myself to a publisher.

[Angela]

LOL...that sounds like a plan Vaibhav :)

If it could work backwards -- get the money first then create the drama to make the story.

Maybe Hollywood producers will compete to buy movie rights to your life story.

Or better yet, make them bid for it now.

[Vaibhav]

Do you know how to get all that done? I could do with a publicist. Though from what i hear all they do is take 15%.