Signs you’ve been in Asia too long

One day you’ll think of a motor scooter as a family vehicle

MY WIFE AND I lived in a hotel at one time. Eventually we moved out and found a normal home. I was shocked to come home from work the first day and find that no one had folded the end of the toilet paper into a neat little triangle for me. “We are not animals,” I remember shouting at my wife. It took some time to realize that hotel life had changed my perception of what was normal. 

In the same way, Westerners who spend a long time in Asia find themselves “going native”. One English friend went back to London after several years in Vietnam. Staff at Harrods, a fancy store, told her the price of the scarf she was looking at. She laughed scornfully in their faces, offered 20 per cent, and then marched out of the shop. Only when she noticed that staff failed to follow her, reducing the price at every step, did she recall that you just don’t do that sort of thing in London.

These memories were triggered by a letter I received from reader Jo Bunker, who has been living in Hong Kong for many years. She was in turn inspired by a posting in we listed signs that you were a post-modern Asian.

“My list of signs you’ve been here too long would look like this,” she said.

• You find yourself wondering how your friends back home can possibly survive without a rice cooker;
• You seek out a Chinatown when on holiday;
• You are shocked and suspicious when someone holds a door open for you;
• You manically over-pressing the ‘door close’ button in the lift;
• You peer over people's shoulders at their account balance in the ATM queue;
• And you sneer at anyone who orders sweet and sour pork in a Chinese restaurant.

Laurie Ashton, a Canadian who moved to Sri Lanka, wrote in her blog that she knew she had lived there too long when she stopped taking pictures of water buffalos mingling with traffic.

For Westerners in general, here are 12 Signs You’ve Been in Asia Too Long.

1) You find yourself bowing slightly when you are introduced to someone.

2) You don’t think there’s anything weird about eating a tenderloin steak with a side of rice.

3) You think of a motor scooter as a family vehicle for up to nine people.

4) You own more ethnic clothes than any of your Asian friends.

5) If you find a bug in your food, you pick it out and keep eating.

6) You no longer close your eyes when the driver of your auto-rickshaw cuts in and out of lanes missing other vehicles by a millimeter.

7) It now seems natural that breakfast buffets feature fried noodles, rice and curry.

 

 

 

 

8) When someone asks you a difficult question, you see the usefulness of responding with a South Asian head-wobble.

9) Using cutlery to eat feels weird.

10) You’re not particularly bothered when rural people defecate behind the nearest convenient bush.

11) You now really like foodstuffs you once thought weird and disgusting, like bitter melon, stinky tofu, lime pickle and stewed taro.

12) The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.

13) It no longer seems weird to see a stunningly overloaded vehicle.

14) You are no longer too embarrassed to admit to other Westerners that you have servants.

But next time you visit your home in the west, remember not to defecate behind the nearest convenient bush. Especially not near Harrods.

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Technorati Tags: Sri Lanka,Laurie Ashton,signs you've been in Asia too long

Comments

[Chamin]

This happened last year when I went back to Sri Lanka for a short vacation.

"You've lived in Japan for too long!", alleged my friend. "you just bowed to the bus conductor with a big smile, when he gave you the ticket. He was shocked."

[sej]

And when you're cooking, your chopping board can only be a 5 inch slice of solid hardwood tree trunk of virgin rainforest/jungle origin, and your only useful knife is an amazingly sharp cleaver, which can do everything a western kitchen's set of seven knives can do.

[Angela]

In an Amtrak food service car, somewhere in Southern California, I asked the staff for chopsticks for my cup noodles breakfast. The guy just gave me a skeptical look and handed me plastic fork and knife.

At the casino souvenir shop I instinctively haggled for a souvenir glass, to the chagrin of my American friends.

You can take me out of Asia but you can't take Asia out of me :)

[farah]

i dont know about other Asian countries but there're several things that we got accustomed to over the years,

1. you stop when the traffic light is green and move when red. there's no yellow light.
2. it's ok to chew bettle leaf and spit anywhere u want to (it's public property after all)
3. during election time you can sneak onto someone's house during the night and paste posters on the perfect white wall. if the desired area is too high you can even use a ladder (that doesnt count as trespassing does it?)
4. in local restaurants if you dont have any extra plates for your throw-outs there's always the table top.

and the list continues....

[Fianne]

farah, where in the world are you?

[TS]

1. You are not at all surprised when the person next to you in a cinema opens a bag of dried squid.

2. You are used to see pirated software CDs named after the latest movie craze (Titanic Office Tools Collection).

3. In all movies shown on TV or sold on legal Video CD, Bruce Willis jumps around staccato style like a sheep in a disco under a strobe light, because sensors have rudely cut out all his four letter expletives.
(I don't know why I used a sheep in this example.... I like sheep ;-)

4. You always come home from grocery shopping with a couple of Video CDs.

[farah]

hey Fianne, it's called Bangladesh. you're most welcome to visit us :)

[daus]

15) You are taking your camera every time when go traveling
16) when you become older, most of time are with grandchild not dog or cat
17) Bright sunny day made you happy and cold rainy day also make you happy

[Kivuos]

In Asian Countries (read India), you can piss in public, but not kiss....and in western countries, you can kiss in public, but not piss....So beware of your Asian instincts...when in the western world..

[Lisa]

When you order coffee at a restaurant, you have to specifically ask for black coffee if you don't want it laced with canned milk and sugar.
You learn to ask if a dish has "bones and skin" in it just in case your "chicken curry" or "pork rice" has the whole animal in it.

[Vince A]

- You wonder if your 1st grader is cutting classes because she never brings home any homework.

- You and colleagues walk into a restaurant to have lunch, and you seat yourselves at a stranger's table without asking.

- And you ask for tea to rinse your steak knife in before eating.

- And you wonder where the television is in the restaurant.

- And then you speak at the top of your voice to your colleagues seated just 12 inches across you.

- While you don't bother opening the menus because you are so used to not being able to read menus.

- And you ask for a roll of toilet paper instead of paper napkins

- And of course you slurp your spaghetti as if it were "Low Min" noodles.

- You get annoyed that it takes more than 10 seconds to vacuum the whole house.

- And frustrated that you have to walk more than two paces to get from the living room to your front door.

- And why there is no Sainsbury's at the corner of the block where you live.

- You wait for your train at the station, along with 80 other people and you sub-consciously wonder, "Where is everybody?"

- You buy a camera and double-check the package they handed you - just to make sure the camera is still the same model.

- But then you have no second thoughts walking into a dark alley at 2am. With your new camera.

- Everytime before you buy something you convert the prices to the Asian currency you are used to.
(And that currency, I suspect, is a genuine indication of where your heart remains).

[Ricardo]

In a western country I called a travel agent and ordered a ticket. She asked when I'd be in to pick it up.
I replied, "Can't you send a bearer?"
Apparently not.

[fardel]

-When you go back home ( the West ), you have to prove your nationality with an original birth certificate ( including your parents' own),except in the supermarket ( only if you are blonde, and pay in cash.)

- Your brain slows down when the outside air temperature drops below 18°C ( 60°F)

[Sham]

You wrap your remote controls in clear plastic

[sej]

And you leave all the sales stickers on anything you buy, like fuel efficiency stickers on your cars, energy efficiency stickers on white goods, and features stickers on video recorders, stereos and the like...

[Chamin]

In restaurants, you ask for "tea" and expect milk and sugar to be pre-mixed. You ask for "plain tea", if you don't want milk or sugar.

[lightprince]

Living in Bangladesh:

1) Crossing the road is a fun and exhilarating game
2) A meal without rice isnt a real meal
3) You consider a pirated dvd shop with AC a high class establishment
4) You consider it perfectly normal for a shopkeeper you met 5 minutes earlier to offer you tea
5) You actually know what humidity is like
6) You are offended if it takes you more that 2 dollars to cross the capital city via public transport. It usually doesnt

[Fianne]

Thanks Farah for the kind welcome, don't think i would visit anytime soon!

In my part of Asia (i.e. Hong Kong) -

- You watch TV while eating with your family - in a restaurant

- Being a lady you wouldn't expect any gentleman to hold the door open for you, instead you open it for them. (Or more like you open the door and they sneak through it ahead of you)

- On the way to the office during peak hours, all forms of public transport are filled with adults who are sound asleep, seated or standing (a.k.a. "zombies") and you think it's normal.

- You bring your own tissue when you use the public toilets

- You carry a mask and a small bottle of antiseptic gel in your handbag

- You avoid walking pass the rubbish bins because the ashtray is SO SMOKEY it's like a barbecue is going on

[Angela]

Nury's site is great for learning about lifestyle and humor in different countries all over the world, without leaving my office desk :-)

lightprince - I thought you were describing my hometown, but I've never been to Bangladesh.

Fianne - I think HK and SG are like twins with siblings rivalry :-)

I totally get that, you hold the door open and someone (a guy) try to sneaks in ahead of you. When I spot these sneaks, I always open the door to a bare minimum only and squeeze in first then let it slam after me. Take that you zombie!

With the swineflu scare, my handbag is like a portable watsons (pharmacy).

I think that we are all much more similar than we are different.

[Mel]

When visiting a western country:

1) You'll look for a Chinese Restaurant
2) You're surprised when motorist give way for pedestrians.
3) You're amazed to see people actually queuing up in a bus stop.
4) You look suspiciously at strangers who greet you with a simple hello.

[rajib]

Farah and Lightprince well said!!
Let me add some more signs that someone is in Bangladesh

1. All the people are crossing the road risking their life instead of using the foot over bridge.

2. People stand in line to get in the bus but as soon as the bus is there, they start a chaos and rush to get in the bus first.

3. If it rains, you will find most of the roads have turned into river. After all it’s a country of rivers.

4. Buses will stop every few minutes to take passenger.

5. You can park your car anywhere in the city and for as long as you want.

6. If there is fire in any market place, thousands of people will gather to watch the fire and block the fire trucks to reach the spot.

[Uli]

I just sniggered my way through your signs of being to Asia too long. Thanks to all of you!!!
Although the last time I have been to Asia has already been 11 years ago (my God that long really!) but nevertheless I still carry enough tissues in my handbag to be able to use the toilets anywhere and I still carry my own set of chopsticks with me when eating out!
Ain't I weird... I suppose not.

[sej]

* Your bed sits in the *middle* of the bedroom at a really odd angle to satisfy your craving for everything feng shui even though you don't believe in it.

* When you visit an Asian restaurant, the first thing you do is wash the supplied (and possibly disposable) chopsticks in tea.

[dul]

After living in Sri Lanka..

*You carry a bucket of water into the toilet.

*You're sure the bus conductors are trying to short-change you and taxi drivers are overcharging you.

*if someone makes way for you to overtake you honk a thanks and expect them to honk bak.

*you're very offended when people seem to be too busy to tell you when the train arrives/where the toilet is etc even though its clearly indicated in various signs around the place.

* you cant believe people actually put up signs for things like that.

*You find it odd to see no motorcycles or trishows travelling on the pavement during the rush hour.

*You wonder why no one has tried to start a conversation with you while waiting for the bus/train.

[lankan]

dul so true every day you meet a different stranger and have heart to heart chat at the bus stop. i miss that

[Nury]

Dul, your notes make me homesick for Sri Lanka.

They describe "real" Asia so well.

Hong Kong and Singapore seem to be like little Western cities compared to Colombo and Bali and Lombok and Java etc

[Lisa]

While on the street, you prepare yourself against random old ladies who ambush you in order to:
* collect that cardboard box you're about to throw away
* snatch your drinking can as soon as you're finished with it
* speculate on whether your expected "bump" is a boy or a girl, then challenge you with "did you get an ultrasound?" if you tell them they're wrong.
* pinch your son's cheek and comment on what a pretty girl he is
* try to sell you some suspicious-looking trinket for "luck"
* offer to smack a photo of your "enemy" with their slipper for a price
* drag you into their restaurant/boat/strip club
* poke you with their umbrella because you're walking too slowly

[bkeefe]

How about:

-You automatically feel a need to say mmm-gui or xie xie when you get your change back from the 7-11.

-You speak extra loudly, slowly and clearly when talking to a person at a 7-11.

-You want your receipt for the purchase of a bottle of Coke and a bag of chips.

-Fish and peanuts sound like a good combination for a snack.

[Karta]

You're not wearing any footwear inside of your home anymore and you always take off your footwear when entering anybody's house

[Yvonne]

- When you see another western person and think "Wow, a foreigner"

[Asian and proud of it!]

-You have a huge stack of newspapers in your bathroom/living room.
-Those newspapers and cut up garbage bags = table cloth!
-You are accustomed to seeing shrimp/seaweed/terriyaki chicken/fried octopus flavored chips at 7-11.
-You never understand the point of the "No elbows on the table" rule. Actually, you never quite get most Western table manner rules.
-you try to get a seat on the train at all costs, even if it means playing pinball with your fellow passengers.