Shock horror: Vittachi writes a serious column for a change!
TV news channels have been filled with reports about piracy in the coastal waters around Somalia. But it’s all very confusing. US Defense Secretary Robert Gates described the participants as “untrained teenagers with heavy weapons”. Huh? They’re from Texas?
And did you see the news pictures (such as the one above) of the teenage Somali captive smiling as he was taken to America by cops? He looked like he was on holiday! At one point, I'm sure he was looking in his bag for his Gucci wraparound shades and his sun-tan lotion.
TV commentator David Letterman said that the young Somali had a busy schedule booked for him: "This weekend, he's hosting Saturday Night Live. Monday, he's attending the Tribeca Film Festival. Tuesday, he's going to launch his new fragrance."
Clearly, there's a lot of puzzlement over this issue. Are Somalis bad guys or heroes? Let's clear it up by explaining the issues in simple terms that a child, or even a Fox TV news reporter, can understand.
Q: Daddy, what's a pirate?
A: Pirates are strong people who attack weaker people and steal their things, child.
Q: You mean like the way those big international trawlers have been stealing fish from Somali waters, putting local fisherman out of business?
A: Exactly.
Q: You mean like the European companies who commandeered the Somali people's coastal shelf and dumped toxic nuclear waste there?
A: Yes, all these people can be defined as pirates.
Q: So the people on the international ships entering Somali waters are actually the bad guys?
A: Exactly. Somalis have been complaining for years about the way the international community has cheated and poisoned them, but no one paid any attention except a few charities and church groups.
Q: What can the poor victims do?
A: Well, a group of enterprising fisherfolk, some of whom were just children, decided to detain international boats and collect a tax from them.
Q: Does this work?
A: It does, a bit. An analyst at a university in the UK reckons that Somalis get up to US$100 million a year from detaining passing boats.
Q: And how much do the people in the international ships get?
A: The same study estimated that international ships steal US$300 million of fish every year from Somali waters.
Q: Do Somalis hurt people they detain?
A: No. Most hostages are released unharmed, which is why ship-owners pay the ransoms. Some Somalis hire cooks who know how to make international style foods. One group of hostages told reporters they'd been given grilled fish and spaghetti bolognese.
Q: Why do the TV news channels describe the Somalis as pirates, when they're the victims?
A: Somalis are small brown people who don't wear the right clothes or drink the right coffee.
Q: Why don't the Somalis explain?
A: They have. One of them, Sugule Ali, said: "We don't consider ourselves sea bandits. We consider sea bandits those who illegally fish and dump in our seas."
Q: Is this column serious, or is it just you fooling around?
A: This is entirely serious. Do some research and you can quickly confirm these facts.
Q: But it is a bit romanticised, surely?
A: Yeah, but only a bit.
Q: Boy, the world is a weird, mixed-up place, isn't it?
A: You said it.
Q: Can we stop this annoying question and answer format now?
A: Sure.
Q: Have we stopped?
A: Not quite.
Q: When will we stop?
A: After one more suggestion. If you see a perfume called "Eau de Somali Pirate", buy a few bottles. They need the money. Imported Bolognese sauce isn’t cheap.
The definition of a word in a dictionary is made by those who write the Book.
Those who write the Book are the servants of those who pay to print the Book
By definition , superior people ( we had such a good example not such a long time ago ) call those they deem inferior by all kinds of negatives names, which I cannot mention here( or anywhere else )
But
History is like coins or paper:
One story two sides
As a kid , this image was haunting me;
A man , tortured and killed as a terrorist by the "superior people" of the times.
This man has been since then ,our ( France) symbol of resistance. Jean Moulin
One story two sides
Pirates ;
Hum
In the Caribbean they used to attack rich merchants ships carrying the gold stolen from the native indians ( who had themselves been killed because the "superior people' of the times called them heretics );
Pirates , when caught, would hang from the masts of navy ships
When those former pirates were attacking the same merchants ships, but this time under the law of a King (European countries), they would be treated as soldiers, make a fortune
The superior people would then call them privateers
Francis Drake ,a former slaver, was a pirate for the Spaniards, a privateer and a hero, for the British.
One story two sides
Attacking a ship is an act of piracy, by definition
Attacking a ship, getting a ransom in the Million of the superior people's money, when one is still a kid ,can be seen in a starving country as an act of bravery.
One story, two sides.
This hypocrisy will not end so soon
Posted by: fardel | Tuesday, 05 May 2009 at 10:49 AM
Nury, I think you do write about serious matters, poignant issues that are relevant and of much interest to your discerning readers. The pictures are always funny and sometimes really silly and though the writing style is funny it doesn’t make the subject any less serious. I think readers are also intelligent enough to know the jokes from the truth. Those who can't tell the difference, read at your own risk.
Posted by: angela | Tuesday, 05 May 2009 at 12:08 PM
As per confidential reports received by my aides, the Somalian was flown to USA on the recommendations made by Federal Reserve to Obamama's mama. Reason - To divert attention of the global media from the financial crisis. And it seems to have worked. Even our host Nury's laser focus articles on matters of global unimportance has been diverted to this Somalian story.
Other equally confidential reports tell us that this person shown on US television as the Somalian pirate is actually an out of work actor from New York.
Stay tuned for more on this and other such confidential reports.
Posted by: Karuna | Tuesday, 05 May 2009 at 07:04 PM
Oh boy! I am going to link to this one from my FaceBook page :-)
Posted by: Chamin | Tuesday, 05 May 2009 at 08:27 PM
The ordinary Somali lives in abject poverty, thus rendering the country as one of the poorest in the world. Somali Sea bandits, pirates, etc are the result of long economic suffering of the people. Coupled with dumping of nuclear and toxic waste along its coastline, and infringement of its fishing water by international trawlers, the Somalians are forced into making a living by the sea other than plain fishing. Evidentally, hundreds of millions $ had been amassed from ransoms. But to point an accusing finger at the Somali sea pirates would be likened to a pot calling a kettle black.
Posted by: Santox | Tuesday, 05 May 2009 at 11:14 PM
Your article is right up the alley of my old friend Yahuda Bangs, who alas has gone missing. Perhaps I ought to look for him and ask him to rouse me out of this strange mid-life crisis.
Yes, it's all about the language. Those born with the lucky amount of melanin and the right-sounding names can rob and cheat, earning themselves titles like entrepreneur and risk taker. And the poor, the dark, and those with names that don't roll off the tongues of CNN reporters (or are never pronounced at all,) these become the pirates.
One day I will be funny again. I must find Yahuda!
Posted by: Joshua Samuel Brown | Wednesday, 06 May 2009 at 10:29 AM
Piracy is often secretly supported by governments, such as England's Queen Elizabeth I who supported the plunderings of Spanish galleons by Sir Francis Drake. It's a lot of hypocrisy, For info on complete history of piracy, read post here: http://www.Vaboomer.com or do Google search on "Vaboomer blog"
Posted by: Nancy Mehegan | Thursday, 07 May 2009 at 01:13 AM
I had a friend who told me black people can't be racist because to be a racist you had to have power.
I guess small brown people who don't wear the right clothes or drink the right coffee can't be pirates either.
Sounds like hypocrisy to me. Why not judge the people by their actions.
Posted by: Mike Munson | Thursday, 07 May 2009 at 06:45 AM
Mike that's exactly what the column above is doing. 99 per cent of news articles say that the Somalis are the pirates, but if you look at the actions being taken, it is the international ships that are doing more piracy.
Your friend who says that black people can't be racist is making a point that most people (and I think most black people too) would disagree with although it is quite interesting to think about.
Are starving people capable of theft if they take an apple from a fruit stall?
Posted by: Ellen | Thursday, 07 May 2009 at 10:45 AM