Let us pray

 

At last, they are calling out the big guns to solve the financial problem

FINALLY, SOMEONE IS doing something sensible to end the global financial crisis!

Three thousand priests have gathered in India for the world’s longest pray-in to solve the world economic screw-up. They will pray and chant and burn incense and stuff for two years in Gujarat’s Mehsana district. The guys have been limbering up in training for months, and are already on target for their goal of chanting 10 million hymns in the first 12 months.

I really like this idea. When you have a totally unexpected problem, you need to go for a totally unexpected answer. Besides, this fits in with the news that spirituality is growing around the world.
Let’s all join in. Here are some important prayers to share, particularly for Asia.

The prayer of the Philippines Government:

“Dear Lord, please help us to finally rid this country of corruption. And tell us how much you want for this and where to send the money.”

The prayer of the Hong Kong Government:

“O Lord, help us to introduce universal suffrage as soon as possible except for the bit about people being able to choose their own leaders.”

The prayer of the Singapore Government:

“Dear God, we know you are really proud to have us as your children. Please tell us when to give ourselves another pay rise.”

The prayer of the South Asian civil servant:

“Lord, I really think you should save us from mindless bureaucracy since I have sent this prayer in triplicate with all the required forms, properly stamped and signed with requested fees and other sundry items.”

And now we move on to prayers for family life.

The prayer of the male:

“Lord, I pray that you can make me less self-centred and obnoxious today. But if you can’t, don’t worry, I’m kind of enjoying things as they are.”

The prayer of the female:

“Thank you Lord, that today you have helped me resist the temptation to gossip, eat chocolate or spend a fortune on designer goods. But soon it will be time for me to get out of bed and then I will really need your help.”

The prayer of the father:

“Lord, you said my new baby would look like me, but in fact it is a tiny thing which looks nothing at all like me, except for the fact that it is bald and fat and wrinkly and does nothing but sleep and drink, hang on a minute, yeah, well, okay, I guess I see what you mean.”

The prayer of the mother:

“O Lord, give me patience to realize that this helpless creature you have entrusted to my care knows nothing and is capable of nothing; yet remind me that if I nurture him and care for him he may one day achieve greatness. And what’s true for my husband also goes for my new baby.”

The prayer of the modern child:

“Lord, give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a Nintendo DS Lite Special Edition.”

The prayer of the columnist:

“Heavenly Father, help me fill up the space so I can go home. Oh. We’re there already. Cool. Thanks. Cheers. See you around.”

Amen.

 

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Comments

[sen]

You do realize that you have left yourself wide open to being fatwaaaed for the goat pic?
Even our illustrious leader steers clear in any pronoucments he may make on our behalf, from even remotely linking Islam with anything, that could cause offence to the easily offended even a goat.

[Mira]

Nury, why the goat pic? Why?

[Nury]

Hi, Sen and Mira.

I wrote about prayer today, so I illustrated it with funny pictures on the theme of prayer.

Thanks for the (jokey) warning, Sen, but I don't think I will be the next Salman Rushdie!

But I know what you mean. There's a general belief going around that every religious group has sense of humor except Muslims. I know lots of media people who believe this.

Personally, I don't think it's true. I think Muslims have no more or less humor than Christians or other people. (I was brought up in Muslim family.) I may be wrong!

[ssonyx]

I don't know which one come first. Is it the picture or the writing Mr Nury??. And boy did you startled on your train of thoughts when you wrote this? With that picture paste on top of your draft. It would be irresistible to waste. Maybe you just being careful this time with the list of prayer. Omitting some of it perhaps Mr Nury on your list. Well maybe the picture does spoil it and let your consciousness prevails which tell about the list order in shambles

[Dancer]

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know.
Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know.
Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about.
Amen.

Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. Amen...

(by Douglas Adams)

[Angela]

Some more prayers from Singapore government:

Lord, please make our citizens follow your command to "Go forth and multiply"

Our birth rate is falling critically low and we have tried hefty baby bonus and controversial tv ads to promote marriage and procreation but it's just not working.

Should we threaten them with fine and canning?

Heavenly Father, save us from extinction.

Amen!

[yours truly]

when I see photo. I say "waa waa this is such surprise! Nury Sir put my photo with sweety goat on blog".

I tell you, you surprise me, Nury Sir ! Very happy.

[Uli Dernbach-Steffl, Germany]

yours truly: you really made me laugh even more than Nury's column....! (Sorry, Nury, today you're a close second!)

[Mira]

Come on. If you wanted to prove sense of humour in the muslim group, you could have just wrote something on polygamy (which really is fun). Still I feel the pic isn't good enough. Sorry, Nury. Its just my opinion, you know.

[yours truly]

Uli Madam, I thank for kind appreciation of my humble note.

Today actually, when I see photo it give me flash-back. Lot of water come to my eye.

You Uli Madam, are nice woman, I like you. So I tell you the flash back story.

Many years ago, my father one day call me "Beta boy, come here" and I go.

Then he tell me, " you grow big and now intelligent. Now you must broaden your mind. I say, you go London."

I say, " sure, sure, I will go"

Then he say, "But, one condition !
You promise no hanky panky under bed sheet with white woman. White woman have bad disease.
If you do hanky panky with them, you will get it.
If you get it, then your wife will get it.
If your wife get it, then I will get it.
If I get it, your mother will get it.
If your mother get, thhe whole village will get it.
So, please must you promise this."

I say, "sure papa, I promise on the holy water which flow from backside of the cow. I do no hanky panky with white woman"

So, I then go to London. But, after I reach there. Many day pass by. I feel very lonely and then one evening I meet sweety goat.

I remember that evening and my eye still make water.

[Lisa]

Is the goat trying to carry the man away?

I loved the story about the mother who asked her daughter to pray at the family Thanksgiving dinner.
"But I don't know what to say." the little girl replied.
"Just say what you've heard me say."
So the girl obediently bowed her head and said, "Dear God, why did I have to invite so many people?"

[godiva]

great funny stuff as always...and yeah, i think the picture somehow takes something away from the the writing that followed it... I looked longer at the goat than the praying man (I guess tha was what he was doing?)

yours truly: Wow!

(the pic caused yours truly to tell his story, so that's ok.)

[TS]

I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!

So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!

(by Jim Steinman)

[Santox]

The current economic downturn has sent many people to their knees seeking for guidance from above.

Sometimes, if prayers are not answered, one feels as if one is getting a kick from behind. Still the prayer continues under all circumstances; hoping that things will work out as soon as possible.

My friend, Pete complains that the economic downturn has sent prices of things upwards and he is feeling the heat of trying to live within budget. He tells his pastor and laments that he may have to defer his regular tithing and wishes to pay less tithe in the future. His kind pastor prays: "Dear God, May You graciously arrange for a reduction in Pete's salary so that he can pay less tithe. Amen"

[sej]

Any Sydneysiders reading this post will remember the sign board battles between the Broadway Hotel and St Barnabas Church over the years...

Some samples stolen from Wikipedia:
* St Barnabas: "This church is for sinners" / Broadway Hotel: "This pub is for drinkers"
* St Barnabas: "Money does not make you happy" / Broadway Hotel: "I'd rather be rich and happy than poor and happy"
* St Barnabas: "God made sex for marriage not for money" / Broadway Hotel: "Wish he had made money for marriage"
* St Barnabas: "Free Grace brothers and sisters" (St Barnabas was next to a Grace Brothers store) / Broadway Hotel: "Free David Jones too" (referring to another Australian department store)
* St Barnabas: "The best things in life aren't things" / Broadway Hotel: "Things are not all what they seem to be"

(Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Barnabas,_Broadway#Battle_of_the_signs)

[Uli]

to quote the Blackadder series (again):
Episode "Chains" of the second series:
Lord Melchett: "Alas, should I never see England more? Her swooping swallows, her rolling fields...?"
Blackadder interrupts bluntly: "And her playful sheep."

[yours truly]

Uli, that is funny :)
Have a great evening.

[wendell]

i just wana let d entire human civilization know how this nury vitacchi guy has made my ist homesick stay in hk, i lil bit uplifting evrytime he manage to put a smirk on my face.......... nury sir, sofar ur d most prolific, effective , damn good writer here in hk! keep it up men!

[Uli]

yours truly, the same to you! :-)

[Chamin]

I agree with Nury about the sense of humor of people from different faiths. When it comes to story time (funeral nights etc.) among Sri Lankan men, we tell stories poking fun at our own religions and others' religions too.

As long as there is no suspicion about intentions, religious humor seems to be tolerated.

[cindy]

seriously that picture on top, ain't funny at all...

[Vaisnavi]

Every holy day the old woman went to the temple. The guru spoke of love of God and self-realisation, and the old woman would gently weep into her headscarf.
One day the grand-daughter asked the old woman, "Grandmother, how is it you weep so? Are you so moved by the wisdom of our teacher?" And the old woman replied,
"No, my dear. When I see the beard of the old guru waggle I'm reminded of my poor dear departed old nanny goat."

[yours truly]

wah ! wah ! you tell much profound

[hamba-ALLAH]

Surah Luqman ayat 6:

Dan di antara manusia (ada) orang yang mempergunakan perkataan yang tidak berguna untuk menyesatkan (manusia) dari jalan Allah tanpa pengetahuan dan menjadikan jalan Allah itu olok-olokan. Mereka itu akan memperoleh azab yang menghinakan.

[Webmaster]

This is kind of funny, there's a Malaysian guy called Sony, who I think is some kind of religious extremist, who got very upset about a post on prayer.
Anyway, the guy keeps adding posts under different names (ssonyx, cindy, hamba) on the post he dislikes.
As a result, instead of everyone just forgetting about it, and it disappearing, he brings it back to everyone's attention by getting it back into the comments column.
Hey, Sony, this is an example of what Nury called "self-defeating behaviour". We suggest you lighten up. Both Nury and i are religious people, so we are on your side. Okay? How about going back to your old style and posting something light and funny, instead of all this negative and heavy stuff?!?

[Supra Shoes]

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[Nike Shox Rivalry]

Today is too precious, should not worry for acid bitter and astringent regrets that way. The chin up, make thoughts, like ChunYang next leap springs. Seize today, it never comes back.