How a Facebook account grows

How social networking sites are taking over the world

THE WALL STREET JOURNAL recently sent staff a warning about joining social networks on the internet. 

        I wish someone had given me that warning a year ago. That was when a friend urged me to sign up for Facebook so I could swap messages with him. I said: “But I can already swap messages with you. You sit next to me.”

        He said: “Ah, but you can use Facebook to tell me what books, movies and music you like.” I told him: “But you already know what books, movies and music I like.” 

        He rolled his eyes, a good way to escape from a difficult question. Eve should have used it in Eden. Pilate could have used it in Jerusalem. 

        I told my friend that social networks were a fad for brainless, idle, decadent people who wanted to waste their lives swapping trivia. 

       He replied: “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

*

But there was no fighting it. Most of my friends would rather be tortured to death by vicious underground terrorist groups like Al Qaeda or the US Republican Party than be one minute late signing up for the latest craze.
 So we signed up as Facebook friends. 
• The next day a friend of his joined our little group, and then a friend of his friend, and then a friend of his friend’s friend.
• The following week, a small child at a school where I had given a talk asked to be added to my friend list. Who could refuse? He was so sweet. So I clicked yes.
• BIG mistake. He promptly told the rest of his class. The next day nine of his friends joined the list. You can’t say yes to one kid and no to the rest. So I gulped down my misgivings and clicked yes to all of them.
• The following day 18 more people from the school signed up to my list.
• This was getting out of hand, so I hid from my computer for a couple of weeks, doing my work on exercise books in a café. This was also a mistake. When I logged on again, two weeks later, I had 82 people waiting in a queue to be signed up. Several of them had bitter comments on their pages, such as “Why hasn’t he approved my friend application? Am I not good enough?”  (That was from someone who was insulted at having been kept waiting six hours.)
    After apologetically approving the 82 people waiting, I found that I had unlocked the floodgates. The last time I looked, about a week ago, I had 756 “friends” on my list, mostly strangers, many of whom write in languages I don’t understand: Chinese, Tagalog, Teenager and Pokemon.
*
I got out a calculator and worked out that at the current rate of growth, my Facebook friends list will encompass everyone in Asia in seven and half months, and the entire population of the world less than five months after that, INCLUDING newborn babies, who will sign up on their way from the womb to the receiving blanket.
    How exclusive is a social group which has every person in the world as a member? No need to answer. Just roll your eyes.

Comments

[sheilajade]

That's only one of the many consequences of being "FAMOUS" (people following you around and wanting to be connected to you in one way or another)
Now that you have broadcasted it Mr. Nury, wait a few minutes, all your reader will flagged your facebook with request, first on the request list will be me :-)

[TS]

Don't worry, similar calculations have shown that by 2019 one third of earth's population will be Elvis impersonators and a few years later all of us will have pork chop sideburns, white gem studded body suits and oversized sunglasses.
At that point you no longer have to worry about approving friend on social sites, we will all be busy rehearsing "Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love".
If you will excuse me, I have to go eat some deep fried banana peanut butter sandwiches so I will look authentic in my new outfit.

[SJ]

Hmmm you rarely come up with a post on Sunday...Did I trigger you into this topic by asking you to accept me in Facebook? I hope I did Mr.Famous :p

[jason]

This (Off My)Facebook, [Twit]er, My(Brain is in)Space, etc., etc., mindset has been going on for years...

I remember times when I worked in a big corporate environment, where the person next to me would *call* me on the phone in order to tell me something. It was only so he didn't have to stand up and talk over the top of the cubicle wall between us.

Then there's the instances of someone, again who sat next to me for a while, sending me an email, when all they had to do was give me the piece of paper they were typing from.

And lastly, someone specifically calls your voicemail number to leave a message rather than calling your phone number and waiting for it to ring out, because they think it's more personal than sending an email, yet you are sitting at your desk, and your phone hasn't rung for an hour!

If the history of the telephone is anything to go by, even though I can't see any of the current batch of services winning the masses for any extended period of time, the concept says there will be one sooner rather than later which will connect almost the entire population of the planet in some way.

I'm not sure yet whether I should be scared or not, but overall, I think Marcellus got it right!

[fardel]

With all this twitter, facebook, cell phones, is there any time left for basic things like exercising,eating, laying down ( alone or not)?

[no 1 nury fan]

why haven't you approved me?? am i not good enough? T_T

[kurt swift]

It seems that traditional social gathering become more routine but in facebook can refresh and create many new ideas and most of them are fitful. By the way, I'm also on the waiting list. :-)

[Derek]

Yes, it's very disturbing to have so much popularity, Mr. Jam (one of ur more fervent readers). Interestingly enough the social network craze has already been around way~ before most even knew that the internet existed. They're called 'Dating services'. haha.

Well online proves to be a better ground for hiding identities anyway, so go figure.

Or better yet, as how u said; roll your eyes.

[Dancer]

I'm not on your waiting list (yet), just give me time. 756 people does seem like a long queue.

Fardel, the fun thing with these indirect communication is that you can be exercising, eating, laying down and checking your account at the same time. Well, at least I do it the same time...

[farah]

but facebook is a good way to pass idle time at work and so much better than work!

[ssonyx]

It's interesting enough how much thing has exploded to become phenomenon after circa 90s. To every bits or out of proportions context of social tools role has shaped our thinking about socializing. Wonder what happens to the 5% of the populations who can just ignore or still plying the traded world discarding "I'm not jumping hoops through screens or dot com bust bandwagon.

Periodically i checked Friendster and i forgot the password. And i just can say "Oh now there's Facebook!Twitter!. Well! If your courting ended in marrying someone, somewhere I beg now that Singapore turns to Facebook to spur marriages. Not to differ but a gesture to avoid accusations that it was promoting pre-marital sex. Awarding a S$400 (RM968) cash voucher for each winning unmarried couple instead of a stay at a beach resort suite. Sweets !! :)

Now that's a cautious gesture from a government, imagine if its from corporate and how would you infer??

When i thought back of my courting days counting times to a crack smile delighted is almost bereft of net result. These days you know what I mean!!

Beam me up Scotty!

[Mira]

How nice to wake up this morning and discover that Nury (who i searched up yesterday and was so happy to find him on facebook and was thinking to send him a friend request) was finding it bothersome. Its exactly the reason why I didn't send that request, even though it took a lot of determination not to do it. Doesn't mean I am a lesser fan of Nury than any other networker out there.

[Santox]

Nury, You have a face for all seasons. Joining facebook adds humour to your countenance.

A book is not a book until it faces readers.
A face is still a face evcn others read you like a book.
A facebook is an electronic wonder and nuisance; touching lives ,young and old across nations. I once sampled the preface of this facebook but now opted out because of its untidiness.

[Karuna]

Solution - Open a "Nury worshipper group" on Facebook. Direct everyone who wants to be your friend or enemy or need to touch-Nury-bald-head-for-luck to the group.

[liberalgirl]

*rolling my eyes*
hahaha...i don't have facebook...coz i find it a waste of time too....
but if i had one, i would sign up to your list too...

[Jon]

I agree liberalgirl, a real waste of time, and intrusive. I always refuse requests to sign up, whoever sends them. And i don't like the little ...berger who is its boss (I have read that several people think he stole their ideas.....)
I quite like not going with the crowd... that's what liberals should do, I guess!

[J_J]

Facebook works very well as a tool to add a bit of entertainment to your life by providing wit and friendship among like-minded souls.

BUT ONLY if you manage it carefully. It only works if you only add real friends who you want to constantly exchange infomation with - and if you have time to keep it going.

The trouble is, most people do what Nury did. They just press the "yes" button for everyone, and then you end up with the friends of friends of friends phenomenon that Nury complains about.

Personally, I find that facebook is fine for people with time on their hands. For people as busy as I am, and I imagine the host of this website is, it is simply an annoying distraction. It clogs up your email box until you click the "don't notify me" box for every function.

Nury, you probably find you have a small number of favourite sites you keep tabs on. These provide you with people with shared interests. Add this to your email accounts, and one already has a ciricle of friends, no need for facebook and twitter etc.

Of course, for those people who do have time to "feed" facebook and twitter, they can be very rewarding in adding to one's social circle.

Jon, I agree with your comment. It;s well known that Zuckerman stole facebook from the people who really created it at Harvard.

[jaime]

sir, i read your column whenever i have free time, refreshing to hear such an oblique and outspoken view on things asia.
i was voice skyping a friend (also facebook fd) yesterday - you have 6 'friends' in common with her - (ok common base, age range, hk link and nutters to boot)! are you doing some numeric experiment with the nury fans? part of f/b that i dont understand, you 'give' your name to get absolutely nothing in return.
continue with your peppery visions, they make a great read, jtk

[fardel]

Sorry facebookers and twitterers , my dictionary and myself self do not understqnd f/b fd TT>>SS and all those bizarroid terms.
And I am too old to learn

[Jason]

I just learnt today my sister's husband was going to twitter/facebook every notable event about the birth of their son. But after two false starts of labour (but in fact Braxton-Hicks Contractions), I think he's now seen sense, and given up that idea.

Mind you, his original idea, although perhaps not seriously, was to "youtube" the birth. The phrase "if looks could kill" nearly faded into history at the hands of my sister.

[jaime]

fardel - sorry too that you feel the need to write a response about sthg (something) which you readily understand in its integrity
amzd hwvr tht yu ddn't cmmnt on the lwr cs scrpt - had a better opinion of you until now
(not looking for a word- war, will probably not comment again, it was just one of those things that cropped up in convo (fyi conversation) but since you sign your name with lower case 'f' i am making more of this than it actually metits - have a nice life jkl

[V]

i recently de-cluttered my facebook account and ended up deleting nearly 500 'friends'. I am now proudly facebook friends with only 37 people who actually matter and whom i want to keep a tab on. =D

[Rika]

Eeek, how embarrassing: I am one of your Facebook friends. Shall I un-friend you?

I have to admit, though, that I don’t particularly like FB where one gets all these weird requests which would have been more appropriate during my teens, only that there was no internet, yes I am THAT old. But some of my friends hardly read their emails anymore, so if I want to get in touch I have to use FB.

However, there is one other good reason for joining all these sites: Taking into account that one is not famous but nevertheless wants to run a successful website, one is relying on search engines like Google to find the link so that people might stumble across the site and hopefully like it - and that is achieved by placing ones URL on whatever networking site possible.

... and NO! That is not the reason why I once in a while add my 20 pence to this site...

... and Yes! This gang is just the best and it's an honour to be part!

[Nury]

Dear V, that's brave of you. Weren't the 500 friends you defriended very upset with you?

Rika, I count you as someone I know, not a friend of a friend of a friend, so stay on board!

[Angela]

I just figured out that fb stands for facebook, what is fd? friend? My vocabulary is still very 80ish or should I say tobati-ish? Not to worry though as my ten year old is giving me a lesson on net linggo. Soon Mommy will be up-to-date.

[b.]

Mr. Vittachi, thank you for approving me on Facebook. I feel honored :D

You missed the fact people open up accounts for their pets. Among my list of friends, there's a couple of cats and dogs which I've never met or known. I don't see the reason to communicate with them ONLINE and not messaging to their owners' actual account directly.

Oh yea, there's http://petfacebook.com too.

I wonder if my goldfish could jam the keyboard.

[Mel]

Hi Nury,

I'm one of your 'friends' in FB. Just in case you change your mind and want to delete your FB account, here's the link:
http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=delete_account

Cheers!

[Nury]

Dear Mel,
Anyone who has the patience to occasionally visit this site and read or comment on my ramblings is a saint, and immediately goes to the top of my "wonderful people" list.

So you are definitely well up on my "A" list!

[Mel]

That's so sweet, thank you very much!! Will cherish it.

[crissie chavez]

hahahaha i did post a bitter comment, "why is nury vittachi not adding me yet in FB!"

a day later we were friends, fortunately i was in the batch you approved when you logged in a day later.. haha, wish i hadn't written any of it!