Dog idioms explained

 
Humans have a powerful relationship with “man’s best friend”

Need staff? These days, recruiters have lots of applicants to choose from, a headhunter told me over lunch.

Then he asked about my career. After listening patiently for a while, he described it as "a dog's breakfast".

He did not explain this intriguing description. On the way home, I called a dog-owning friend. "What do dogs eat for breakfast?"

"They eat this stuff called kibble," he said. "They're hard, dry pellets made of, er, actually I have no idea what they're made of."

"Cats, surely?" I suggested. He agreed that was the logical conclusion. When I got home, I told my wife that a headhunter had told me that my career was like small pellets of dried cats. She wasn't sure how to interpret this, but hazarded a guess that it was not a compliment.

The issue became clearer when I looked up "dog's breakfast" on the internet and discovered many strange dog-related traditions and idioms from the West.

British men with hangovers, for example, consume the fur of dogs which bite them. Eww! Clearly, this is a homeopathic remedy. (And Westerners think Asian medicine is weird.)

I also found numerous references in US writings to people being "in the dog house", a condition intriguingly limited to married men.

A quick scan of UK newspapers on the Internet reveals there are three official levels of illness: "critical", "intensive care" and "sick as a dog".

Dog idioms are on my mind, and thanks to US President Barack Obama, dogs are in the news. Following suit, this columnist recently acquired a mutt from an animal shelter. (It's a rare cross-breed, part collie, part yak, part Axminster rug.)

My wife took it to the vet and came home laden with medicine. "That's for worms, that's for fleas, that's for red-eye disease, that's for blue-eye disease, that's for distemper and that's for pneumonia," she said. Other than that, the dog was fine.

Our tatty mongrel's life is so unlike that of Bo, the Obama family dog, who has now "assumed full official duties as First Dog", according to the media. I asked an American friend: "What are the official duties of US Presidential family members?"

"They host lunches at the White House, they sit on important committees, and they stand in for the president from time to time," she said. I felt a bit less resentful once I realized Bo had to work hard for his charmed life.

The following morning, I was charged with feeding our new dog. Easy. I'd already learned that dogs will eat anything, including bugs, nails, stones, shoes, toddlers and sofas.

The mutt instantly inhaled a large breakfast of dry pellets, canned dog food and pills of various colors. After 15 minutes, she energetically vomited up the whole lot, taking care to discharge the load onto my wife's Persian rug.

Then she ate it all up meal again. I have never seen her so happy. She had discovered a way to get twice as much mileage out of each meal.

At that moment, one of my kids came out of her bedroom. "What's the dog eating?" she asked.

"You really don't want to know," I said. "Just think of it as a dog's breakfast."

Comments

[Vince A]

Formal complaints department:

I read your blog over lunch at work. The last 4 paragraphs killed my appetite.

You should at least have displayed a high definition photo at the top of what the dog expelled (and ate again) so that we would know not to read further.

[angela]

Do you walk your dog or does your dog walk you?

[Lara H]

Have you seen the price of dog food? I think Nury has found a way to halve the cost of keeping a dog!!

[sheilajade]

You are so lucky for having a very good dog, inhaling everything you give him/her including pills. Before it takes everybody in the house to shove 1 tiny pill into our jesse's throat and each time we end up with a sore or wounded thumb or fingers until i master the technique, if you need help Mr. Vittachi, i will be glad to lend a thumb :-)

[fardel]

This story reminds me of a comedy about a dog and a baby commenting everyday's life"Look who is talking",:
I imagine Nury's dog:
-- Pouah ! this fowl tasting medicine again , with these dry pellets,
Who does he think he is fooling,making this dry food look like bones;
- - If I throw up on his wife's Persian rug, do you think that there is a slightest chance that he would understand?
( vomit)
- - Look at this fool,with this stupid look on his face, wondering what happened.
- - Don't you understand! Pouah! pouah!
- Look at him , he did not even move one inch!
This biped is capable of throwing everything in the garbage;I'd better eat it , if I do not want to starve,
- - Please !help!
Can somebody teach this ignoramus that dogs like fresh minced meat, served in a nice clean plate , with a nice cup of clean water,like in the old times?

[angela]

I remember years ago I asked my father why we are feeding our dog our left over meals or cooked food, I thought dogs should eat raw meat. My father explained that pet dogs are domesticated and have been living with human beings for generations so that their diet have also changed and their digestive system will not be able to process raw meat anymore, it will just give them worms instead.

We never take them to the vets but our dogs are always healthy (except for fleas) and lived for many years (except for one mongrel that my grandmother accidentally run over with her volkswagen beetle).

[Nury]

Dear Sheilajade, I dont think our dog is "good" because he eats his pills, she is just one of those dogs who eats everything: rocks, electrical appliances, bricks etc.

Everything EXCEPT dog medicine.
Like you, we had a big struggle to make the dog eat its pills.

Then we started hiding them in her food. That works a treat. You slip a pill into a piece of cheese and she never notices.

(Someone should start a business selling french fries with carrots hidden inside for human children.)

Angela, there's another good reason for not feeding dogs raw meat. If they get into the habit of eating the stuff, you have to watch out: they get over enthusiastic and before you know it they have eaten your neighbour.

[angela]

So that's what happened to the retired old guy next door. I thought he went for a long holiday somewhere sunny and nice (like the caribbean) and decided to stay there for good ;-)

[jason]

Nury,

On your hidden vegetables... I remember hearing about a book full of recipes where the theme was hiding vegetables in kids' food, like brocolli in a milk shake, or carrots in a chocolate block, and stuff like that...

No wonder I supposedly still don't eat enough vege.

[sheilajade]

I guess i will have to agree with you Mr. Vittachi. Maybe there is no "good" dog at all. We tried all possible way suggested by his Vet, just like what you have said. But our jesse is one of a kind, sometime we think that he is not actually a dog, he must have been a person only punished to be a dog, could it be? c',)

[Dipalle Parmar]

I have gathered a theory, that dog lovers are power driven people compared to cat lovers. See, a dog lover loves a dog so he/she can order it around. (not that a dgo will always listen). But thats the point, to shout,order, command, instruct. The dog is alwyas getting in yoru space and taking up took much attention. Now with cat lovers... its another case. They like their space and they like to give space... the cat and the cat lover/owner. I have lived with many dogs and 2 cats and i think i am not power hungry and i like lots of space around me...so no dogs. But then i am never left alone by the male speices...no no i didnt call them dogs, now, did i. ;-)

[grandpa]

talking about dogs, this one is one of a kind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvZ7YvdjhSs&feature=topvideos_sports