What were the parents thinking?

 

Parents should not have the right to name babies. Ask Adolf Hitler Campbell

A BATTLE HAS broken out. The government of China has made a list of about 8,000 allowable names for babies. All others are forbidden. A Beijing woman called Ma Cheng, whose name is not listed, has been asked to change her name, the New York Times just reported.

A similar row has been bubbling in Japan, where there are even fewer approved names. That's why every single Japanese girl I have ever met has been called Misaki Takahashi. Just stand in central Tokyo and call out that name. Thousands of women will say "Yes" in chorus. There are whole CITIES of Misaki Takahashis in Japan. Make a t-shirt saying "I am Misaki Takahashi" and you will immediately make thousands of yen, which may be enough to be one cling-film-wrapped banana in Tokyo.

The same discussion about parental freedom to name children is taking place in the West. US authorities recently removed three children from the home of a man with neo-Nazi sympathies. One was Adolf Hitler Campbell, aged three. One sister had Aryan Nation as a middle name, and the other was named after Himmler, Hitler's deputy.

In Sweden, a court prevented parents calling their child Ikea, but allowed the name Lego to slip through recently.

All over the world, critics are outraged. "The right to name children is a basic right of citizens," Zhou Youyung, a university professor from Nanjing, told reporters.

I disagree. In 99 per cent of cases, this columnist, like most of my counterparts, will side with The People against the authorities. Reporters are legally obliged to follow the unwritten law of popular journalism, which says The Underdog is Always Right, Even When He's Wrong.

But on this occasion, the faceless government bureaucrats are right. Parents are a notorious source of misery. (Fact: 100 per cent of convicted criminals had parents of one sort or another.)

For proof that mothers and fathers should not be free to name children, here are 10 more or less randomly chosen real names from my files, which we could call:

The "What Where the Parents Thinking?" List

1.Destinee Hooker;

2. Ivor Biggan;

3. A. Moron (he was a commissioner of education in the US);

4. Seldom Wright;

5. Sermon Coffin;

6. Wood Burns;

7. Warren Peace;

8. Buncha Love;

9. Marmalade Tin; and

10. Katz Meow.

Parents are dumb. The courts had to stop one Japanese couple from naming their child Akumi, which means Satan.

Among the words proposed as additions to the list in Japan are the kanji characters for Cancer, Corpse, Excrement, Cursed and Hemorrhoid.

But names don't have to be particularly outrageous to be objectionable.

About 15 years ago, I logged on to the Internet for the first time. The first thing I did was to run a search on my own name, which I'm sure you'll agree is a perfectly natural thing to do, assuming you too are a raving egomaniac.

I was amazed to discover that there were 165 people called Nury on the Internet at that time. And every single one of them was female.

I phoned my mother. "Mum. You gave me a female name."

I draw a veil over the rest of that painful conversation.

What if you are a kid cursed with a silly name? Take out a lawsuit against your parents. For a lawyer who will speak with feeling about this, sign up a young woman of Chinese origins who works for US legal firm Sullivan and Cromwell in New York. Her name is Sue Yoo.

*
MEET THE GANG: Vince A was originally from the Philippines. He transported his family to beautiful Melbourne a couple of years ago, where he is being raised by his lovely wife and three children. As a child, Vince was raised largely on a bottled substance called "banana catsup", which explains a lot.

(Meet the gang is an occasional series highlighting members of this community, so please email me your photo.)

Comments

[Mr C]

In the Vancouver directory, there's a listing for a Hung O K, and another for Hugh G. Rection.

[Mr C]

Ever heard of the Chinese-Jewish law firm? It's called So Sue Me.

[Joey]

This story was told by my lecturer. Apologies if there are any wrong facts in it.

There was once a reporter who was sent to cover a story about a student who scored very well in exams so this reporter asked the name of the student.

He answered "I am Happy"
The reporter replied "Yes, I know you are happy but I asked for your name"
"I am Happy" he replied.
By then the reporter was frustrated but later the reporter found out that the student's name was indeed Happy (I forgot his full name though).

[kurt swift]

From the movie "Terminator", the killer need to search the name book in the telephone kiosk for Sarah Cornnor. So it would be difficult for him if the name was not Sarah but Misaki.

[Julie]

Joey. For years you could meet Happy at Happy's Chinese Restaurant in Canberra, Australia. I think he's retired now.

[angela]

Nury, I heard from a German friend that in Germany they also need government approval for baby's name. I think this is very good and should be adapted by countries in Asia as well.

I also suggest that the topic of naming your children be included in a pre-wedding seminar.

Filipinos are very fond of giving combo-names, i.e. father and mother's name combined to become the child's name. Example, Marco and Christina's daughter is named Martina or if it is a boy, Martin. Karuna and Joey's child will be named Karjo or Jona. So you get the concept.

This happened many years ago. I was riding in a jeepney and overheard this conversation among 3 friends who were on their way to the hospital to visit friends, a couple name Fernando and Lucia who just had a baby.

Girl 1: Fernando must be so happy their first born is a boy
Girl 2: Yes, I'm sure he will name it Fernando Junior.
Girl 1: How predictable!
Guy: Well, it is better then giving the child a combination of their names
Girl 2: Why not?
Guy: We would be on our way now to visit baby Luci-Fer

[fardel]

Well
we asked for it , we got it.
Another one who is younger and better looking than us, Nury.
Are you a cubicle consultant too?
Strange : there is no comment from the girls yet;
Hey girls
Are you sleeping?

Nury
I was without internet for most of the day.
It looked like forever.
The column "recent comments" is not long enough to see all the "action"

[piya]

Mr.FREE MAN is a technician who used to work for my telephone service provider. Once when I wanted to make an appointment for the saturday afternoon he was the only one who was available.

He was free to provide service to me on that day, in the other way he was not free himself since he had to work in the week end.

Mr.Dick owns a cleaning company which named after his name. I saw his van parked near the Western Market with the company name displayed in large letters on both sides.

[Malaysian]

Chinese who adopt Western given names are rather notorious for ending up with (unintended?) less-than-desired sounding ones. Examples include:
Harry Kwok
Annie Kok
Sam Wan
Samuel Ting

[Nik]

Well, Filipino parents, especially those of Chinese descent, are notorious for these, ahh curious names.

I have to dig this up, but there would be some names only Filipinos can truly appreciate.

born during the night - andy lim
born blind - kenneth sy (can not see)
born being swindled - lino co
born while cooking - nilo toh
born as 10th child - sam po
born while being courted - lily gaw
born fat - bob uy
born little - kathy ting
born different - eva yan
born with porridge - lino gaw
born looking for someone - allen sia
born while counterfeiting - faye king (faking)
born during Sunday - lyn go
born with malice - mali sia
born angry with someone - ally tan
born with picture - lara huan
born with sweets - ken dy (candy)
born undefined - sam ting (something)
born while taking a bath - lily go
born not to take a bath - dinah lily go
born while buying - bill li
born secretly - tina go
born to pass flatus - otto tin
born ugly - kow yan
born easily - malou wang

[Karuna]

I recently met child born on 1st of April...the child's name is "Maya", a Sanskrit word meaning "illusion"

Thought it was pretty good name for one born on "All fools day"

[Santox]

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
But, I wonder if these sound nice! Not poking fun but are real names of people.
- Harry Toe; Cutie Pai; Banana Lif; Rocky Hill; Crescent Moon; Sunny San; Joy Lai; Orange Jus; Candy Seet-
***
Vince A, I guess I can say "MABUHAY MATE" to you!

[Nury]

The subject of interesting names always gets some great examples from commentators, so many thanks to all of you above. Lots of stuff there I can use in a follow up column in the newspaper or a magazine or a TV show.

If you want more amusing real-life names, here are some previous visits to the subject:

Your name is your destiny: http://mrjam.typepad.com/diary/2008/07/your-name-is-yo.html

Asian names "corrected" by Western computers:
http://mrjam.typepad.com/diary/2008/07/asian-names-cor.html

People whose names fit their jobs:
http://mrjam.typepad.com/diary/2008/07/people-whose-na.html

Asian males often have names which sound female to western ears:
http://mrjam.typepad.com/diary/2008/08/a-boy-named-su.html

Why have a name when a number will do?
http://mrjam.typepad.com/diary/2008/08/a-word-from-num.html

[Vince A]

An old old old joke from the land of banana catsup:

A man wanted to have his baby baptised:

Priest: What's the baby's name?

Man: Toyota.

Priest: You can't name your child after a car.

Man: Why not?

Priest: Why not?!? It's just not allowed.

Man: But I also named my daughter after a car and you baptised her.

Priest: I wouldn't have. What's your daughter's name?

Man: Mercedes.

[sheilajade]

I liked all the comments in this article, made me laugh my head off especially the one by Nik.

For Mr. Vince A "Gwapo" - That's why when i saw your pix, i thought i am looking at a familiar face. Mabuhay po kuya!

By the way, there's another version of the joke above by Vince A

Twin babies was about to be baptised.

Priest: What are the names of the babies?

Parent: Toyota and Honda Father.

Priest: What do you like me to pour, Crude Oil or Gasoline?

[Chamin]

In Sri Lanka, the names of most kids trace back to astrologers. The parents run to an astrologer with the birth time of the baby. The astrologer suggests a few letters to start the name with, either according to books or at random (both are the same, you can get the entire alphabet for the same timestamp if you go to 7 astrologers). The father, who is overwhelmed with everything else by this time, usually lets the astrologer suggest about 5 names. Then the parents select one or two.

I prefer if our government can prohibit astrologers from constraining the names.

[fardel]

In the West, some parents are so short of imagination that they call their child with the father's name, adding Junior or a number I II or even III to differentiate them
Some consequences can be dramatic on those who do not have any personality:
they can be stuck for life in daddy's shadow.

[Shaik Anwar Ahamath]

There is a name in a UK telephone directory as 'Wong Numba'

[Uli Dernbach-Steffl, Germany]

As I am expecting our second child in September naturally the issue of naming has arisen in our household.
Our last name being typically Bavarian (southern region in Germany) we will stick to "typically" german names which - as tribute to globalisation - are easily pronouncible in English. Our first daughter is named Judith. In September you may expect the update on the naming of our second offspring. :-)

[Kay]

I have a schoolmate whose name is Candy Bar. Honest!
Thank goodness she's an only child.