Michael Jackson gets up my nose

People in the entertainment industry have real talent, at wasting money

Michael Jackson's stuff was due to be auctioned today. But the pop singer cancelled the sale.

Bother. I was hoping to pick up one of his old noses.

No, I mean it. A source in the plastic surgery business tells me that it is well known that one of Wacko Jacko's noses collapsed. It sort of went inwards and upwards, until it was hovering somewhere between his eyebrows. The word is that a German doctor used cartilage and stuff from his ears to build up the current nose he has today.

Having an ear that looks like a nose in the middle of your face must be great for party tricks. He can put his fingers in his ears and pretend he can't hear you, but can sneakily listen in with his nose. How cool is that?

Michael Jackson must be the only human being who has changed his face more than this toy my kid has called Mr Potato Head.

Anyway, I wanted to buy one of his old noses as a symbol of human folly. Jacko, a guy who earns US$1 million for each show, is running out of cash. How come?

Well, he's a pop star. These guys, like film stars, the children of tycoons, and the wives of columnists, are famed for their ability to spend vast fortunes at high speed.

Hollywood actor Nicholas Cage revealed a few days ago that he has had to sell his castle in Bavaria, Germany. "However, he still has one castle left, in the UK," his spokesman said. The news brought tears to my eyes. How can a man live with only one castle? Life is hard.

Who else is reportedly low on cash? Actress Lindsay Lohan, who earns about US$6 million a year, has apparently managed to drink the lot. This is actually a pretty impressive achievement for a 22-year-old. I'm furious with my careers advisor for failing to advise me years ago to move to California and set up a mobile alcohol stall outside her house.

But if I had to give a "financial idiot award" to someone I would give it to Elton John, who blew US$50 million in two years, including US$500,000 on flowers. When a judge asked him whether it was really possible to spend so much money at a florist's, Elton replied, "Yes. I like flowers."

But maybe the top financial idiot award should be reserved for rap star MC Hammer. By the early 90s, he had earned US$49 million, Forbes estimates. In the mid-90s, it was all gone. Accountants tried to locate it. They discovered he had bought 17 luxury cars, two helicopters, a stable of racehorses and a bowling alley. His 12-acre estate had a stereo so large that it needed 35 kilometers of wiring, and its walls had US$75,000 worth of mirrors. How can anyone buy so much stuff without noticing? (If anyone can answer that question, please inform Elton John.)

Meanwhile, I cannot resist ending without a dig at Mr Jackson's unhealthy interest in the young generation.

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a supermarket bag?

A: One is white in color, made of plastic, and should be kept well away from kids. The other is a bag for your groceries.

Comments

[farah]

it always amazed me to see these celebs wasting money on things they already have plenty of and then shed tears when asked of poverty, reccession etc. they could have just let some of these people stay in their castles.

[michael jackson]

Sorry I had to cancel the auction, Nury, but I wasn't selling any noses anyway. I can give you my brain if you like. It's a bit small, but it's hardly ever been used. Cheers.

[Elton John]

You're right to criticize me for spending $500,000 on flowers. That was stupid. I should have spent at least a million. They're so small and round and cute. A bit like me. They also have no brains. (Also a bit like me!!)

[Jon]

A little off topic, perhaps, but 'talented' people being dickheads seems to be quite topical at the moment. For example, Jackie Chan is undoubtedly fun to watch as an action star. As a political commentator he is a total irrelevance. It is hardly surprising that, as an actor, he gave his audience at the Boao Forum a performance that they obviously appreciated. What would one expect at such an incestuous meeting of the wealthy and political elite of Asia? Controversy?

What baffles me rather is why he was there in the first place, and I wonder who footed the bill. On the website for the event, it is stated that: “Over the three days of the 2009 Annual Conference, delegates are expected to debate and discuss the impact of the crisis on Asia and how the region can weather these challenges as effectively as possible.” How does being an action star qualify one to be a delegate for such a conference? It’s like inviting Susan Boyle to discuss problems in the Middle East. Or Elton John to suggest economic strategies to ease the world out of the current financial crisis...

[Nihal Amarasekera]

Only people intoxicated with excess money and fame need plastic noses; cause they won't break. I think your cutely big nose is good enough as nobody will be tempted of damaging it; except Jacko himself.

[Clear Eyes]

I agree with the point made by Job above. A lot of big superstars have bad politics and are violently against democracy. Jackie Chan is one of them. Perhaps the most shocking is Allan Zeman, the boss of Lan Kwai Fong and Ocean Park who never misses a chance to diss democracy.
Once people make it big, they are anxious that ordinary people don't have the chance to follow in their footsteps. That's why they are called conservatives; they want to conserve the status quo, people who have money and power keep it, people who have neither never get either.

[DOLIN]

its just because celebrity people thinks that they will never ever come dowm the stage.They always thinks that there will always be next project or another big amount of money waiting them ahead. They never thinks of what tomorrow brings thier way.

[DOLIN]

u're right mr jackson nobody wants to sell his nose. u got a head there keep up on searching for ur other brain where r they

[seventh kid]

Celebrities are creating fallacies in this threatening situation of the world. They even don't aware of their inner conflict with their souls. My urge to them ,set examples on living a real worthy life.

[Anon]

Don't you think it is a little mean to make fun of people on the internet?

[Lurker_23]

Dear Anon
nuri is humorist, making jokes about people is what he is does. maybe you want to live in a world where theres no comedians but the rest of us dont. lighten up.

Michael jackson sleeps with children and their pays off their parents to stay out of jail. this is all on record. the more people who mock him the better.

[jackson is dead]

Wacko jacko's death must have come as a surprise to you. what do people think of him now?

[Nury]

Hi, JiD, I still think the same thing about Michael Jackson, RIP, that I thought about him alive.

He was a great singer and dancer, who just happened to have very unfortunate weird (and illegal) interests in his private life. The music was great, but the whole thing about him and children was horrible.

I grew up a big fan of his, bought all his records when they came out.

But in a way, he seemed to be so out of control the last couple of decades that he has at least preserved some of his myth as a great musician by departing this world at this time.

It's one of those weird media things. When a celebrity dies, there's a general expectation that he has gone from zero to hero.

The most startling case was John Lennon. His last album got horrible reviews from every newspaper. They were uniformly scathing. Then he died and the same newspaper re-reviewed it and found it was a work of genius. That's the media for you.

[Stevedore]

I agree, if he had kept going he would have got weirder and weirder, it was only a matter of time before he got caught doing something awful and there would be another trial and another big pay off. sorry to sound skeptical. but at least this way he preserves his place in rock history without an actual conviction for child molesting.

[j_fan]

I should point out that he was ACQUITTED of child molestation charges.

[leagle]

Not exactly, J_fan.
His lawyers told him that he faced massive charges and a jail term if he went through the trial.
So he chose to pay a very large sum of money, millions of US dollars, to the victim/plaintiff, who then agreed to offer no evidence.
Thus while it could technically be called an aquittal, it was not what we would normally call an acquittal. In character, it was an out-of-court settlement, which is lawyerspeak for a system in which a guilty but rich person buys his own justice.

[Karuna]

His music will live for long.
Let us honour him for the great singer that he was.

[Nury]

These days i can see his influence more in dance than in music. While he did have a talent in writing songs, there were lots of other good song writers around at the time.

But if you look at almost any modern pop dance group (especially in China/ Taiwan/ Hong Kong/ Singapore) there are so many Jackson dance moves there. His steps live on.

[Angela]

Angela is moonwalking to Billy Jean

[Sham]

Nury, maybe you could get his nose now on e-bay?