Scratch an Asian and underneath you find an Asian
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Thursday, 30 April 2009
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Dr Google cures anything
People are now getting medical advice from their computers
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
What were the parents thinking?
Parents should not have the right to name babies. Ask Adolf Hitler Campbell
Monday, 27 April 2009
Life without domestic help
Men can operate any type of gadget, except a washing machine
Friday, 24 April 2009
Technology in the bedroom
Scientists are invading the field of relationships, and good luck to them
Thursday, 23 April 2009
Supermarket tax on stupidity
The dark side of shopping; and a “meet the gang” item
Wednesday, 22 April 2009
Michael Jackson gets up my nose
People in the entertainment industry have real talent, at wasting money
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
We love dinosaurs especially curried
In Asia we regularly find living prehistoric animals and eat them
Monday, 20 April 2009
In which we adopt a dog
Conflicting advice is a puzzle as our diarist’s family grows
Friday, 17 April 2009
Divine humans are back in fashion
People are praying to Obama, our diarist reports
Thursday, 16 April 2009
Hormones causes shopping, scientists find
Women have to head to the mall once a month for biochemical reasons
Continue reading "Hormones causes shopping, scientists find" »
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
How not to be funny
The difference between a joke and a lie is in the listener’s ear, says our diarist
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Cross dressing on the battlefield
An epidemic of gender confusion is sweeping the world, our diarist warns
Saturday, 11 April 2009
How to survive family life
Familes are probably the only real sources of joy and pain
Thursday, 09 April 2009
Real-life weird weddings
Never mind same-sex marriage, in Asia, same-species marriage is the issue
Wednesday, 08 April 2009
Four recent dumb criminal cases
The theft of ancient, rusty bikes from our columnist’s home leads to concern for the mental health of the criminal classes
Tuesday, 07 April 2009
Why Madonna is smart to adopt
The queen of pop has spotted some advantages, says one adoptive father
Monday, 06 April 2009
She’s my domestic goddess
She’s in charge of your washing your underwear, so treat her with respect
Friday, 03 April 2009
This song will slay you
In Asia, music is all to often the course of death, thanks to karaoke
Thursday, 02 April 2009
More Madoff scandals on the way
Pyramid schemes are simply business as usual in Asia, our columnist reports
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The Diary is Open
Trapped on a mad planet called Earth, NURY VITTACHI and his gang record the absurd customs of Earthling "society". These diary notes appear regularly in newspapers and magazines, and on TV, radio and the Internet, in at least 10 countries. Join the gang. Send ideas using the email link at the top, or get published immediately by using the comment function at the end of each diary entry.- Readers Digest
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Comment on these
- Celebs are above the law
- New passport rules
- Poetry is coming back
- The immigration officer's smile
- Super tutor is here
- No more check-in queues, ever
- Passport photo madness
- Device detects emotion in stockbrokers
- A visit to Germany
- Europeans export curry sauce to Asia
- I like paying tax
- Human gas emissions and global warming
- Mr J meets the Prince of Denmark
- The physical difference between males and female
- Crime writer's secret
- Wrong number of death
- Fictional folk complain about authors
- Twitters from dead celebrities
The Information
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You can be an author too: click here for essential stuff for writers and readers - Books he's written
Under the names "Nury Vittachi", "Sam Jam" and "Lai See" - Press Reviews
What the papers say about Nury's books
Classic columns
- Does Asian Humor Exist?
- That Fast Food Conversation
- Guide to Global Motoring Styles
- New Words for a New Era
- When SARS Stalked Asia
- Asia Has Too Much Press Freedom
- Why This Stuff Is Inflicted On You
- Jokes That Kill
- Men Answer the Questions Men Won't Answer
- Men and Women Speak Different Languages
- 16 Ways Life in Asia Has Changed
- A one-act play in Englasian
- Examples of Asian humor
- 20 Rules of the Road in Asia
- Asian characters played by white actors
- Residents of Asia as foodstuffs
- After Viagra
- The ultimate email chain letter
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Popular pieces
- The 90/50 rule
- How to bullet-proof your job
- Top quotes: I can't believe they said that
- Job codes: activities in a typical day at work
- Ten worst things about working in cubicles
- Wie we shud spel Inglish foneticlee
- The seven stages of office life
- Greeting card slogans for office workers
- The world's most sexist man
- How to tell if you are a workaholic
- Why you should feel sorry for business travelers
- Dogs are male, cats are female
- Additions to the Darwin awards
- World's most pointless records pt2
- World's most pointless records pt1
You can't make this stuff up
- What financial jargon really means
- How not to introduce a speaker 1
- How Microsoft works
- Hurricanes and typhoons with girly names
- Speak fluent Singlish in four minutes
- An open letter to property developers
- People whose names fit their lives
- The land before email
- Fu's Rush Inn where the rest of us don't
- Before and after families
- The mystery of the disappearing organ
- The difference between eastern and western bosses
- Draft questions for an Asian textbook
- A shocker: how much it costs to raise a child
- How to judge a literary prize
- A visit to the world's capital of culture
- Sean Connery steals the show
- Comedians, east and west
- Destiny is out to get you
- A rant over romanization
- Wake up and taste the weasel-poop coffee
- The real reason for the war in Georgia
- Why princesses have blue eyes
- The world's oddest book titles
- The real reason for Asia's low crime rate
Check these out
- World's oldest jokes found
- Airport security and the joke ban
- Murphy's Laws pt1
- Murphy's Laws pt2
- Male vs female humor
- Books for guys
- Telling a story in colors
- How math has changed
- Classic: The school voicemail message
- Answers to What's 2 + 2?
- How to speak tycoonese
- Western girl, Eastern guy
- Things kids say
- History of ketchup
- Why men don't write advice columns
- Light bulb jokes as social commentary
- Computer terms glossary
- Asian mother and son talk
- India is moonward bound
- Downturn humor
- The truth about electric cars
- Japan and extreme politeness
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For Asian news
Faces
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Good reads
A young woman joins a feng shui agency expecting to spend her time arranging furniture. But then she discovers Mr Wong specializes in examining the harmony or lack of it, at scenes of crime
Comedy-crime caper in which a Mr Wong and his assistant travel from Singapore to Australia in pursuit of a girl who seems destined to die
Mr Wong and his assistant go on a multiple-country tour and solve many puzzles on the way
Mr Wong gets involved with Uyghur freedom fighters and Chinese-American geopolitics in this, the most hard-hitting and thrilling volume of the series
The feng shui detective, facing financial ruin, agrees to tackle a mystery on the world's biggest jet, in the funniest book of the series
Illustrated book for under-eights. In a land where there are no stories, two children find letters of the alphabet and try to make tales which will kickstart their imaginations
Jeri Telstar is new breed of superhero. He doesn't solve his problems with violence. Instead he uses his homework to trick supervillains into submission. Ages 8 to 11
In the second of the series, the homework hero has to solve the mystery of the misbehaving president. And as always, he avoids violence and uses his brain
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Top diary entries
- How to see through the eyes of a child
- The unprintable column: Truthful slogans for nations
- Your warts-n-all Chinese horoscope
- Obama as the ultimate example of globalization
- World's most truthful personal ads
- How to reject a rejection letter
- Exclusive: Bush on Asia in exit interview
- Teaching: the easy life
- Diary of a dieter: fail-safe way to become average weight
- Reasons to be cheerful
- Cashless society is coming and it is bad news
- Everything I need to know I learned on the road
- Speak Taxi: Learn any language in 10 mins
- Baby instruction manual for dads
- Shock: world's top curries are not Indian
- How to follow your dream
- Ready-made quotes list for journalists
- Which type of exerciser are you?
- World's least accurate holiday brochures
- Bra saves woman's life
- How to write an international pop hit
- The financial community's amazing apology letter
- Animal sounds in different languages
- How to get mommy arrested
- Fresh thinking on fixing the world economy
- Get your share of bail-out money
- Amazing true story of the drop dead goat
- World's most common lies
- Unanswerable questions: The mysteries of life
- How to marry a billionaire
- Mr Jam reviews a book: authors tremble
- Kids can teach us all we need to know about money
Weird world
- The financial community apologizes
- How to write a pop hit
- Bra saves woman's life
- Which type of exerciser are you?
- Weird weddings
- We love dinosaurs, curried
- Dr Google cures anything
- 24 signs you are a post-modern Asian
- A list of unsafe foods
- Twitters of the famous
- Religious images on food
- Self-defeating statements
- Celebrity health superstitions
- How a FaceBook account grows
- Male and female brains differ
- New swear words for the world
- Let us pray
- Urban legends are coming true
- The vanity sizing scandal
- Epitaph for the word "literally"
- Why men don't recall stuff
- World health authorities are unfair to Asia
- Beware of the Phoneheads
- Iconic dates
- Losers are the new winners
- The world's weirdest car names
- Jackpot disasters
- Signs you've been in Asia too long
More classic columns
- Scientists send DVD to Mars
- The strange tale of the funeral strippers
- World's worst songs
- World's worst lyrics, part 1
- World's worst lyrics, part 2
- Pasta starts to edge out rice
- Dangers of new technology: books
- Genetic differences between men and women
- Exploding animals and other friends
- Worst Chinese songs ever
- The truth about modern art
- What the shrinking dollar means for Asia
- Asia's monster
- On The Rolling Stones
- What Asians think of Obama
- The world's dumbest criminals
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