Hormones causes shopping, scientists find

 

Women have to head to the mall once a month for biochemical reasons

WARNING: The following article is for men only.

Any woman from my family caught reading it will lose her shopping privileges until she goes out of her mind, or for 20 minutes, whichever is longer.

Guys: I have some bad news. Women's love of shopping is caused by biochemical changes, scientists have discovered.

Ten days before their "time of the month", women are likely to feel the need to spend money, Professor Karen Pine told the British Psychological Society.

We have to hide this news from women! Can you imagine the harm it could cause? In thousands of households, our better halves can come home laden with shopping bags and the perfect excuse: "It wasn't me. It was my hormones."

Professor Pine said the monthly shopping urge may be an attempt to combat negative emotions or may come from an unconscious desire to make themselves more attractive.

I’m sorry, but that is SUCH an example of female thinking. For most men, the words "I've remortgaged the house to buy earrings" does not make women significantly more attractive (Mrs Vittachi, please note).

I was reeling from this when I saw a different news item on the same topic: some women are adapting to the present cash crisis by going swapping instead of shopping. Instead of buying new clothes and shoes, they trade stuff at parties.

Guys have been doing this for years. I spent my entire childhood being approached in the playground by bigger kids who would offer to trade things with me, such as, "You gimme your lunch box, and I will allow you to live." That always seemed a pretty reasonable deal to me.

Just last week, my banker friend Sze Sze Tan and his wife were discussing the differences between male and female attitudes to shopping. "I hate shopping," Sze Sze said. "I just go into a shop and point to something. I’ll take that one and that one. Job done."

This rang true, but I knew for a fact that at other times, Sze Sze and other men are careful shoppers.

I reckon men subconsciously divide prospective purchases into two categories: items we can differentiate and items we can't. The second category includes curtains, carpets, bed covers and so on. They may come in different forms, but we can't tell the difference between them. I often have conversations such as the following.

Me: I want to buy a sofa.

Sales clerk: What color? What fabric? What style?

Me: Just a sofa. Any sofa.

Sales clerk: What texture? What size? How many seats?

Me: I don't mind. Just give me a sofa.

Sales clerk: Contemporary? Classic? Retro? European? Oriental?

Me: Give me a sofa or I will hit you.

Sales clerk: Yes sir. On the cheek or the chin?

In contrast, gadgets go in the other category. They have long lists of features which interest us and which we like to study exhaustively. My wife asked me to buy her a laptop computer.

Me: Yes. Will June next year be all right?

Wife: Can't you just pick one up from a computer shop this afternoon?

Me: Of course not. There are more than 2,000 different models available, and I will have to look at the features list of each one. It shouldn't take me more than a couple of years.

I’m sorry, but men cannot help being like this. It's our hormones, I think.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to stop writing this now and go to the gadget shop. It’s my gadget-buying time of the month.

*
Hey, gang, on a separate topic: I have nice pix of Fardel and Rika. But Fardel tells me I am not allowed to publish them until Angela sends in a picture too. Have you got one, Angela? Or any other commenters? Do you have one, Sarah? Can you email them to me at nury@vittachi.com. Thanks.

Comments

[angela]

I would send a pix but I am concerned for the mental and physical health of a certain gentleman in the Caribbean. I'm seriously afraid that he might immediately be overcome by a very strong urge to jump into the sea start swimming towards Singapore. I am not very confident of his water survival skills plus the Singapore coastguard have a very strict rule of shooting on sight any floating object. Their motto is: Shoot first, cremate later.

Now excuse me while I go shave off my mustache, beard, trim the hair on my ears and get my photo taken.

[sheilajade]

Hi there, i have been a fan of yours Mr. Vittachi for quiet a long time now, and i must say that you are way way way way way and many many more way than that chip tsao (FYI, im a member of the "nation of servants" here in hongkong working as a servant -- i hope that did not repel you ;-) Every night i look forward to reading your funny article before dozzing off after a 16-hour day at work. Thanks for all the joy and laughter you are giving all your readers.

Going back to this article, yes, this is so true, i always feel alot of urge to eat a certain kind of food or go out to look around or sometimes feel so lazy everytime im getting near my "time of the month", plus the intensified mood swings.

[Nury]

Dear Angela, thanks for the pic, it's posted on the April 17 column -- Fardel's is coming soon.

Dear Sheilajade, thanks for your lovely note. Many of the smartest and hardest working people I know are domestic helpers, so you have much to be proud of. Thanks for giving me a smile.

[sheilajade]

Dont mention it Mr. Vittachi and thank you for being so kind to my "kind" although i had wrongly spelled quite. I had invited some people i know (my family members, friends, ex-bosses in the philippines, and many others) to read your articles in this site.

[Santox]

Dear Nury,
Very interesting posting; reflecting the mental exigencies of both male and female.

But, nowadays metrosexual males do shop a lot and I believe they have adopted the amazing shopping route of how a female shops - much to the delight of shopping complexes, and malls.

[Karen A.]

Hello to you Mr. Vittachi! Just dropping by to inform you that I love reading your column. You never ceases to amaze me! I am one of your many Filipino followers here in HK, thanks to my employer and her kind heart (and fast hands,jeje!) for always grabbing a copy of The Standard every morning. It's your column that I look for first thing every morning while having my coffee. I hope that it's fine with you if I linked this site with my blogsite without asking your permission. I hope I will not be in trouble, hahaha! It's just that your one of my favourites. More power to you and may you continue to amaze us!

[karuna]

Karen..impressive, that between your chores as a domestic maid, you have managed a blog.
Nury...suggest you put up Karen's photo in your tomorrow's blog. Fardel can wait.

[fardel]

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees
Let me wait
I beg you

[Nury]

Hi, hope you all had a nice weekend -- I want pics of all readers, please, Karuna, Vince, Santox, Karen, Lisa, Sheilajade, Steve, etc
send them to nury@vittachi.com
thank you

[Karen A.]

Well, I think I might be in trouble now, hahaha! About my blogsite, what to manage anyway? Not much I guess because I don't need to sit infront of the computer for a couple of hours just to make a post. The most maybe will be an hour and that's during my siesta time. Anyways, my site is just new...just more than a month old. Unlike some of the helpers here in HK I already passed through the period of working at least 16 hours a day, for me it's different now. My wards are big now so I have more free time for myself. My employer allows me to do whatever I want during my free time, whether to use the phone or read books. It's just a matter of good relationship between the employer and the employee...we just need to know our limitations. I've been working here for few years now and I'm in my last contract, I want to try my luck again in my native land. I just thought why not spend my remaining 8 months here by blogging about HK once in a while, right?

[Rika]

Hmm... I seem to be a bit out of cycle then.

The week 'before' I am already so stuffed with biscuits and chocolates that I can hardly move and the fights one needs to engange in with hubby in order to get rid of of all the little things that have accumulated during the other 3 weeks like 'can't you for just once: close the tooth paste? - start the dishwasher? - bring the laundry downstairs? - think just for a single minute about meeeeee!' are sooo exhausting. There is just no energy left for shopping.

Once it is over... THAT is a different matter. The sun is shining this little bit brighter and the birds are a bit more cheerful. The idea of a shopping mall sounds as addictive as the bell of an ice-cream van.

Ladies, mall is a good idea, though! Done right the shopping trip will count as family day out. Go together and only meet at the coffee places - mobiles got actually invented to make appointments of this kind - and for the rest of it: Drop him at a book store or gadget shop and if you need a lot of time then ask him to find a new mobile for you. That should give you plenty of time to burn a hole into the pocket where he caries his credit card.

[sheilajade]

Mr. Vittachi, i think you wouldn't want to get hold of my picture. It might ward off all prospective readers and fanatics. hehehe. And i need to get a total head-to-foot OVERHAUL to become publishable (just a warning, it might take a longer time as i need to save money for it :-P c",) (*-*)

[Nury]

Send me your pictures, anyway, and that applies to everyone who feels like. I work in an office surrounded by digital media people -- we have the power to "photoshop" anyone. We can remove spots, smooth skin, make wrinkles or freckles disappear, even add hair. Just add your request to you picture and we will make you beautiful. (It didn't work for me, but never mind!)

[angela]

Nury Vittachi: Can you give me some hair, plump red lips, high cheekbones, and take out my wrinkles please? just make me look pretty for my adoring fans.

Digital Media Guy: Dude, I am a photoshop expert, not God. I don't perform miracles!!!

*This is when desperate Nury turned to Fardel's digital media skills and ended up looking like a distant auntie :)

[Rika]

AMEN!

[Thomas J. Hudak, Jr. CPA]

Get a real job and leave asia to its own demise. Imbicile