How to write an international pop hit

It takes special skill to write song lyrics that listeners worldwide will love

A wannabe pop star asked me to write lyrics for his group. "Sure," I said. "What style would you like? Asian? Western?"

Well, that's the issue, he said. He wanted to have a hit that people would sing along to, all over the world.

So I called a DJ friend for advice. He said the top-selling international record at the moment was the latest disc from The Prodigy, a British group.

I surfed to a lyrics website called www.365.com and looked up the lyrics. The new song was called “Invaders Must Die.”

The first verse was:

Invaders must die

Invaders must die

Invaders must die

(and so on).

Then there's an instrumental break followed by the second verse:

Invaders must die

Invaders must die

Invaders must die

(and so on). You get the picture.

The guy who transcribed the lyrics was unconfident that he had got them exactly right, and added a disclaimer: "If you find some error in the ‘Invaders Must Die’ lyrics, would you please submit your corrections to me? Thank you." It seems to me that it would take extraordinary talent to get those lyrics wrong.

He also set up an on-line discussion area so that people could discuss the nuances of the lyrics. Despite this song being a mega-hit, the discussion board was blank. I wonder why?

I called the deejay back. "The lyrics are kind of, well, strange," I said. "They lack romance."

He grunted in agreement. "Modern Western pop lyrics are like that: all weirdness and hostility."

*
I decided that South Asian pop songs might be a better model, and asked a friend in India to send me a typical modern hit. He sent me a Bollywood song sung by a buxom actress named Sadhana Sargam.

"When I speak, everyone's health flip-flops. When I dance, my blouse tightens around my heart. No one listens, no one knows what all I have hidden in my blouse."

I asked him why so many Indian songs were about blouses. He replied: "Indians find the word 'blouse' so sexy that when they hear it, they lose control of themselves and fall to the ground, frothing from the mouth and other parts." I looked up some Bollywood music videos (see picture at the top) and realize that they were, indeed, focused on blouses.
*
I just couldn't see a song about Indian garments exciting Westerners, so I turned to East Asian music. Although this comes in many varieties (Cantopop, J-Pop, Korean pop, Mandopop, and so on), 99.99 per cent of them are love songs so sugary they can give you Type 2 Diabetes at 200 meters.

They usually managed to be strangely worded yet bland at the same time. Here's an example.

A pop fan gave me Daffodil by Cyndi Wang.

"Fabled Prince. Frog. Where are you? I’m by the pool waiting day by day. Wait for that day, kiss his face and bring about with the sound of a rumble."

Hmm.

I called the guy who had given me the assignment. "Writing an international hit isn't easy," I told him.

*
After a discussion, he suggested that I make it a love song in a rap or hiphop style: "Asians like love songs, and Westerners like rap."

So I asked my DJ contact for a hiphop love song. He gave me My Humps by the Black-Eyed Peas. I looked up the lyrics:

“My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps."

Okay, I give up. Maybe I am old fashioned. But that definitely lacks romance. I'd rather write about blouses.

*

For other articles about music, click below:

World’s worst songs

World’s worst lyrics part one

Ten worst lyrics from international stars

Worst Chinese songs

Comments

[Miriam]

I was taking MTR and I laugh so hard with the "type 2 diabetes" that the people around me looked at me like "yo!!! schizo!"
That was hilarious.

[TS]

"Hubba Hubba Zoot Zoot" from swedish band Caramaba takes the price though. The whole thing was meant as a joke but became a big hit in Scandinavia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caramba

[Anon]

Hi Nury,

The pope too has started contesting with comedians. Wondering if you can write something about it.

Please delete the comment since it is off topic.

[Bala]

Blouse . . hahahaha. Hillarious. The number of bollywood songs that have blouse mentioned in it is probably more than the number of dimes in the US rescue plan

[Don]

i reli cant help laughing with the "blouses".....probably knickers is also popular in the Indians' song lyrics LOL

[Angry Pop Singer]

I am furious about your suggestion that modern pop music lyrics are meaningless strings of randomly chosen words. I'm shocked that you should say such a thing in your column. This is supposed to be a SECRET.

[Esha]

I was searching on google for music sites and i found http://www.jhankar.pk and http://www.musicmaza.com . Both are content rich websites with upto date hindi songs, videos, wallpapers and song lyrics collection.

So i strongly recommend to check both the sites and leave your feedback.

Thanks

[B Wood]

Don't you just hate people like Esha above who pretend to be interested in your topics but are really just advertising their own sites? Esha, this article is about how crap some indian music is. NOT a good place to advertise your music site.

[hot celebrities]

There is no way to write international pop hit.

[fardel]

Yes it is
"Pop corn" was an international hit, 40 years ago
Its remake had its success on this side of the planet one or two years ago
But there was no lyrics