How to fix the world

 
Move over, white males – it’s time for non-white women to have a go at running the world, reports Nury Vittachi.

Not again! Every day I pick up the newspaper and every day I read the same thing. "World Financial Crisis Gets Worse. Experts Baffled."

What's the big deal?

Last weekend I fixed a broken kitchen blender, which is a darn sight more complicated. And it only took me seven hours and help from three neighbors.

Yet the people who run the planet seem to have no idea how to fix the banking system.

Now I hate to be racist or sexist, but how about we try being racist and sexist about all this? White guys have run the planet for years. Look at the mess we're in. How about letting non-white FEMALES have a go?

I sat down at the night market with a group of friends, none of whom were bankers, and most of whom were Asian women. I asked them for suggestions on How to Fix the World. The women accepted the challenge and used a secret weapon to generate ideas: Extra-Hot Sweet Chili Sauce. (The chili triggers endorphins in the brain and the sugar powers the neurons.)

Here's the list they made.

1. All male world leaders should immediately step down and hand their jobs to their wives. No exceptions. Bye-bye, Barack, hello, Michelle.

2. The price of oil should be raised 10-fold. This will force businessmen to walk to work until they realize they need to make vehicles using natural energy.

3. It should become illegal for any country to adopt a single religious ideology. Whenever national borders and religious borders match, trouble follows.

4. Marijuana should be made legal and taxed at the same level as alcohol and cigarettes. Crime would fall, government income would shoot upwards--and universities would become funky, creative places.

5. The wording on wedding services should be switched around so that the guy promises to "love, honor and OBEY" the woman.

6. The rulers of one-party states (listen up, China, Malaysia, Hong Kong and Singapore) should stop pretending to be democratic. They should call themselves "dictatorships" or actually become democratic. Only democratic countries can become rich, stable, free, happy, creative societies. (Two out of five ain't good enough.)

7. Chinese leaders need to realize that human rights are for humans, and that includes their people.

8. It would be a fantastic service to humanity if a hacker got into the Swiss banking system and located all the details of people with secret accounts. Then we’ll publish their names so that everyone can look and gasp.

9. The death penalty should be abolished in every country, although I don't mind if you keep it for people who send out spam emails.

10. A law should be passed which says that no one is allowed to get married until they have dated at least one person of a different ethnic background.

11. The constitutions of Sri Lanka, Israel, Palestine and America should be replaced with the words of Abraham Lincoln, here paraphrased: "You can't destroy an enemy with a gun. You can only destroy him by making him your friend."

12. Every community needs to have a genuinely free press, printed and on-line (China and Singapore, are you listening?) so that people can trash stupid officials, bad governments and bad ideas.

And so articles like this can be printed.

You know it makes sense.

Comments

[rq]

you are the best!!

[EB]

I’m in complete agreement with the ‘how to fix the world’ suggestions you and your banking friends have come up with, except for ONE item:
6. The rulers of one-party states (listen up, China, Malaysia, Hong Kong and Singapore) should stop pretending to be democratic. They should call themselves "dictatorships," or actually become democratic. Only democratic countries can become rich, stable, free, happy, creative societies.

The success of the other items in the list depend on their NOT being democracies – I mean, for heaven's sake, it is the election of dunderheads like Bush and most of the other world ‘leaders’ that has got us into this mess. Therefore, democracy must be updated by an OLIGARCHY of women, not necessarily Asian, but probably with the exclusion of blondes, and then we’d be in business. You actually don’t need the democracy spiel because then the leaders of China, North Korea and other similar states would be out of business anyway.

The only other thing that would also be necessary is to enact laws making it compulsory for all publicly listed corporations to have boards dominated by women, and you’re literally ‘in business’.

Keep up the creative thinking. We’re proud of you.

[fardel]

Those two guys on the pictures ; do they have moustaches?
If so, we will be in deep trouble when women take over.
Maybe gays will be allowed to survive

[Mary Lombard]

This is why I love Nury.

[Blonde]

You know, come to think of it, the ideas above are actually quite good. Imagine having a black woman as the most powerful man in the world. That would be so neat.

The only thing I disagree with is the ban on blondes suggested by EB above.

I are a blonde and I are surprisingly intellekchul.

[Nury]

If the world was run by Mary Lombard it would be a much better place. Incidentally, I went to your website (readers can click on her name to do the same) and really liked the photo-books you make. I like the photographic one on the bottom right best. My son was amazed and delighted to see a book of Pokemon cards in there!

You made me think of a very wise man I met on Thursday. He was a financier called Arun Abey, and he told me that the way to deep happiness was to find the intersection of three questions:

What are your passions? (ie, art, design, composing music, writing poems etc)

Which of these do you have a real talent for?

Can you find a way of making a living doing that?

If you can find an activity that positively links these three questions, you're on your way to living a satisfying life.

Anyway, you came to mind because you have found a way to make publishing/ editing/ designing into a successful business.

[ape]

erm... why so complex? can't we just remove the human race and everything will be ok?