Not again! Every day I pick up the newspaper and every day I read the same thing. "World Financial Crisis Gets Worse. Experts Baffled."
What's the big deal?
Last weekend I fixed a broken kitchen blender, which is a darn sight more complicated. And it only took me seven hours and help from three neighbors.
Yet the people who run the planet seem to have no idea how to fix the banking system.
Now I hate to be racist or sexist, but how about we try being racist and sexist about all this? White guys have run the planet for years. Look at the mess we're in. How about letting non-white FEMALES have a go?
I sat down at the night market with a group of friends, none of whom were bankers, and most of whom were Asian women. I asked them for suggestions on How to Fix the World. The women accepted the challenge and used a secret weapon to generate ideas: Extra-Hot Sweet Chili Sauce. (The chili triggers endorphins in the brain and the sugar powers the neurons.)
Here's the list they made.
1. All male world leaders should immediately step down and hand their jobs to their wives. No exceptions. Bye-bye, Barack, hello, Michelle.
2. The price of oil should be raised 10-fold. This will force businessmen to walk to work until they realize they need to make vehicles using natural energy.
3. It should become illegal for any country to adopt a single religious ideology. Whenever national borders and religious borders match, trouble follows.
4. Marijuana should be made legal and taxed at the same level as alcohol and cigarettes. Crime would fall, government income would shoot upwards--and universities would become funky, creative places.
5. The wording on wedding services should be switched around so that the guy promises to "love, honor and OBEY" the woman.
6. The rulers of one-party states (listen up, China, Malaysia, Hong Kong and Singapore) should stop pretending to be democratic. They should call themselves "dictatorships" or actually become democratic. Only democratic countries can become rich, stable, free, happy, creative societies. (Two out of five ain't good enough.)
7. Chinese leaders need to realize that human rights are for humans, and that includes their people.
8. It would be a fantastic service to humanity if a hacker got into the Swiss banking system and located all the details of people with secret accounts. Then we’ll publish their names so that everyone can look and gasp.
9. The death penalty should be abolished in every country, although I don't mind if you keep it for people who send out spam emails.
10. A law should be passed which says that no one is allowed to get married until they have dated at least one person of a different ethnic background.
11. The constitutions of Sri Lanka, Israel, Palestine and America should be replaced with the words of Abraham Lincoln, here paraphrased: "You can't destroy an enemy with a gun. You can only destroy him by making him your friend."
12. Every community needs to have a genuinely free press, printed and on-line (China and Singapore, are you listening?) so that people can trash stupid officials, bad governments and bad ideas.
And so articles like this can be printed.
You know it makes sense.