Today, boys and girls, we are going to talk about an extremely important subject: ethics. It is very important to be completely ethical sometimes. At other times, it is very important to look the other way.
Huh? Confused? If you think that's confusing, just wait. You see, there have been quite a few cases lately of young people being just a little bit too ethical recently, which is why your parents have asked me to give you this little talk.
Earlier this month, police officers knocked at the door of a house in the United States and asked to see a woman. "She's not here," her husband lied.
"Oh yes, she is. She's hiding under the bed," said the woman's four-year-old daughter. The infant led police to the bed and pointed out her mother. Police took the Mommy away.
In another case in the same country, a boy told school teachers that his dad, a musician who had played in an anti-drug concert at the school, had a stash of illegal drugs. Police came and took Daddy away.
In ostensibly communist countries such as China and Vietnam, turning in your parents is officially recommended and rather common. But probably the worst recent Asian case took place in Pakistan in December. A young man in his teens or early 20s was shocked to spot his stepmother having an affair. To express his disapproval of her ethics, he killed her with an axe.
That young man I would definitely list under the heading "WAY too ethical".
So, kids how do you know when you are being too ethical? It’s easier than you might think. All you have to do is ask yourself some simple questions. First, will my ethical action result in one or more of my parents being arrested?
If the answer is Yes, ask a second question. Is the present speaker/ columnist your father? If the answer to that is also Yes, then the automatic conclusion is: You are being way too ethical, just forget what you saw and go back to watching television.
However, if the answer to the second question is no, then you should take steps. Go talk to a trustworthy adult, by which I mean your teacher or a police officer. Over-friendly adults you meet in Internet chat-rooms with names such as deathzombie95 do not count as trustworthy adults.
But first, learn the following principles to see if your parents are committing crimes.
1. Encouraging you to eat vegetables is not a crime.
2. Unless they do it with weapons.
3. Encouraging you to do your homework is not a crime.
4. Unless they use torture techniques of barbarians such as Emperor Caligula or Dick Cheney.
5. Watching television soap operas while you are in the room is not illegal, but perhaps should be.
Anyway, if any of MY children are thinking of reporting me to the police for any reason, I would just remind them of the case of Deanna Young, aged 13, of California. She told police that her parents were drug users. Cops arrested the parents and then released them on bail.
They sent her home.