A pathetic bit of sexist garbage

By Nury Vittachi

I just had a scary conversation with a woman who can eat a whole donut in one bite.

 

"For years, women have been complaining that this is a man's world," she said, apparently swallowing the thing unchewed. "Well, from 2009 it starts being a woman's world."

I love feminists. Ain't it adorable, the way they look so girly, but try so hard to dress and talk like guys?!

Anyway, this particular gal had tons of evidence to back her up. The recent meeting of world leaders at Davos, Switzerland, concluded that Lehman Bros should have been Lehman Sis, she said. The people of Iceland voted out male leaders and put women in charge. Newspaper editorials are calling for women to sit on the boards of companies. Universities around the world are admitting more women than men.

"From offices to homes, women are now on top," she added. "I expect it's the same at your house, right?"

What what what what? The discussion was veering dangerously towards Relationships---a topic that causes the male brain to instantly shut down.

So I changed the subject, pointing out that much of the work of governing anything, from companies to countries, has to do with numbers. In general, women are not that keen on numbers, am I right?

She agreed, so I pressed home my point. Consider the following real-life conundrum, taken from a recent news story.

I am out of work. I have no money. I have no job. I have no spouse. My parents are bankrupt. I have six children to feed. What shall I do?

Male answer: Get a job, earn big bucks.

Female answer: Have a further eight babies.

"Hang on. We're not all like Nadya Suleman," she objected, referring to the US woman who has just had octopulets (not a type of sea creature served fried with pepper.) "If I wanted babies, I wouldn’t have eight," she added. "I'd make do with three or four. Or five. Or six."

But she agreed that women do not see numbers the way men do. "For a man, six babies plus eight babies equals 14 babies. For a woman, six babies is a lot, eight babies is a lot, and six babies plus eight babies is 'a whole lot'."

We talked for a while. I agreed with her that Nadya Suleman was a product of her society. She was raised in the US, where people are encouraged to have whatever they want.

People drink fizz till their teeth rot. They watch bad television until their brains turn to mush. They eat burgers until they explode. They play with guns until half of them are dead. And that's just at kindergarten. It's worse at junior high.

Several members of my family live in the US. The last time I visited them, I noticed laws had been passed which force companies to print information on food packaging saying: "This snack contains 100 per cent of your recommend daily intake of food." And then each member of the family ate four of them.

But I guess I shouldn't indulge in gratuitous America-bashing. (Or perhaps I should. It's kind of fun.) But I definitely should not risk antagonizing feminists, since I share a small apartment with three of them.

On the other hand, you have to admit: feminists look SO CUTE when they're angry.

Comments

[Jules]

Hey, I'll have you know that I look cute even when I'm *not* angry.

[Lurker_31]

It's actually rather brave ( read 'foolish' ) to write a column like that in Asia. Some readers will guess that you are being ironic and poking fun at sexist men, but I suspect that many will take your statements at face value and think you are a horrendous chauvinist of the first order. After all i believe you have said yourself that irony is a very strong element in western humour but not so much in eastern humour....
But then on the other hand, I don't see lots of angry comments from outraged woman. Just a rather witty comment above from a woman.
So perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps your readership is actually more sophisticated than is usual in Asia.

[yuu]

Lurker_31, Asia is a big continent..with a LOT of people. Don't you think that at least some of them understand irony?

Also, just because Nury refers to China's limited Freedom of Speech in most of his columns, Asian countries that are tolerable do exist - meaning that writing such a column doesn't always require a lot of courage.

I wouldn't confuse ASIA with CHINA. China is just a part of Asia. The remaining parts should not be excluded.

[Nury]

Thanks for making a good point Yuu; it would be interesting to see which countries go for ironic humor and which don't. I heard of a Singapore comedian who has become an expert in the laughing habits of different audiences in Asia -- I need to track him down and swap notes with him!

[Errol]

A Singapore comedian? wheregot?
Like Diogenes that philosopher of old, I went out with a bright lamp in broad daylight and couldn't find one.
(I need to state here that Diogenes was not looking for a Singapore comedian)

[Lucy Tan III]

Wow, someone with a classical education. That is NEAT, but clearly in your reading of the classics you missed all the advice from Plato to consider the evidence before you draw your conclusions. Yes, Singapore has a repututation for being uncreative shall we say but we have great clubs, and a few comedians, one or two of whom are quite good.