The Seven Stages of Working Life

By Nury Vittachi

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Your work and your personal achievements remain a major focus these days, or so the contents of my mailbag suggest, so let's return to that subject.

            William Shakespeare said that a person went through “seven ages of life”.

            I think the immortal bard was spot on.

            Here are The Seven Stages of Working Life. Which stage are you at?
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Stage One:  The Intern.

Arrives late. Explains that he got lost. Told to make coffee. Makes undrinkable black gunge. Sits in on meetings at which he realizes, with horror, that he knows nothing about anything being discussed. Spends most of the day feeling terrifyingly useless. Asks inane questions such as, "Please, sir, do we have to ask before we go to the toilet?" At midday, eats packed lunch from home.
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Stage two: The Short-Contract Worker.

Arrives early. Waits outside till a staff member arrives with a key. Devotes all his energy to volunteering for assignments because he is desperate to get hired full-time.  At lunch, he eats sandwiches at his desk while doing everyone else’s work. He leaves the office last, at 9:00 pm, but still arrives the next morning before the rest of us.
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Stage three: The New Hire.

Arrives slightly before other staff. First to take his seat at meetings. Talks constantly about “our vision”. Starry-eyed and enthusiastic. Does much of the work that gets done, although he is constantly interrupted by older staff wandering into his room to sit on his desk and spout rubbish. Leaves at 8:00 pm.
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Stage four: The Experienced Executive.

Arrives at exactly 9:00 am, not a minute early or late. Has a lot of work to do, but spends most of his time transferring it to other people. Occasionally buys lunch at the wine bar for people at stages one, two and three, because he enjoys the way they worship him. Leaves at 7:00 pm.
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Stage five: The Senior Manager.

Strolls into the office at 9:40. Cannot avoid work completely, but does the bare minimum. Lunches at private club, practicing his “vice president” look of worldliness and ennui so as to be ready for the next stage. Sneaks out of the office on the dot of 6:00 pm.
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Stage six: Vice President.

Languidly ambles into the office around 11:00. Finds work a total bore, so he gets people at stages one, two, three and four to do all of his work for him. Spends most of the day sitting on the desks of new hires to give them the benefits of his wisdom.  Leaves the office at 5:00 pm pretending to be on the way to a client meeting.
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Stage seven: Chairman.

Arrives late. Explains that he got lost because his memory is not what it was. Serves coffee from private percolator. Turns out to be undrinkable black gunge. Sits in on meetings at which he realizes, with horror, that he no longer knows anything about what is being discussed.  Spends most of the day feeling terrifyingly useless.  Asks inane questions all the time, such as, “Shall we open some overseas offices, or have we already done that sort of thing?” Before leaving at 3:00 pm, he eats packed lunch from home because he can’t eat anything without bran.
         It’s the circle of life.
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By the way, every time you start a new job, you usually go back several stages. For example, I'm not a kid, but I am at Stage Three in my current job. What stage are you at?

Comments

[Leo]

Nury, the photo is totally shocking!! My jaws just dropped to hard rock solid ground when I have a glance at it.

I always arrive earlier...but I leave somewhat sharp or latest by 2 hours (I leave when my work is done). What stage am I at now?

[Nury]

Dear Leo, it sounds like you are at the same stage as I am -- still enthusiastic and hard working. That puts you around stage three. One of the signs of stage three is having lazy people further up the ladder coming and sitting on your desk and telling you long stories while you are trying to work. I have one senior guy who does that all the time!

[Leo]

Dear Nury,

I am trying to make an order of your 2 books from a bookstore nearby...

It took the manager 3 days to send a email and 2 weeks have past and still no reply...I guess the Internet must be in a JAM...

It looks like my New Year is runined...without your 2 books as starters...:-(

[Deepak Chari]

Hi Nury,
I think I was at stage 5, since I have been to my office almost all the time, nothing earlier than 9.40 am. Only once I happened to reach office at 9.00 am and one smart Indian software techie girl in my Singapore office immediately suspected something is fishy. She asked, are you looking for another job? She was spot on. I had planned to leave early half day to attend the interview scheduled just after lunch time, at my new company.
Now I am happily retired since December 08, and have moved back to my hometown - sunny place on West coast of India, called Goa. Just to make some of you envy, I have decided never to work for someone's company, but to get others to work for me!

[Nury]

To me Goa is a fantastic holiday destination; you are so lucky, Deepak, to be able to call it home. I think one of the great things about this community is that we seem to be among the few people who know that the world is a big, welcoming place with lots of gorgeous areas which are both wonderful places to live and really good value.

I often meet people in the UK or the US or Europe who worry about how they will afford to retire.

They have no idea that they can move to a cheaper part of the planet and live like kings.

The rest of the planet is too scary for them!

[Nury]

Oh, and Leo, sorry about your difficulties picking up my books. I must check out the distribution arrangements. I generally find that Bookazine is the best chain in Hong Kong for my books. There are lots of branches. I use the one in Princes' Building in Central. Happy Chinese New Year to you!

[fardel]

The rest of the planet is too scary for them!

Let's keep it this way, so that we can enjoy those places

[Letitia]

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