By Nury Vittachi
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A reader tells me he recently sent out 20 job application letters. He got seven rejections and 13 companies didn't reply.
His mother told him he was going about the process all wrong, and recommended positive visualization techniques. She told him to read The Secret, a bestseller all over the world, including in Asia. The book says that "the universe" will give you what you want if you want it badly enough.
Here's a quote from the book: "I would visualize a parking space exactly where I wanted it, and 95 per cent of the time it would be there for me and I would just pull straight in."
This is one of the most eye-opening books I've ever read. When you put it down, you cannot help but think: "Gosh, there is truly no limit to the awful rubbish people will buy."
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I have a much easier technique for getting what you want. I call it the "Fake It Till You Make It" system. Simply act like you already are what you want to become. (I am a good columnist, I am a good columnist, I am a good columnist.) In the end, fantasy becomes reality. (Okay, gimme time.)
I told my jobless friend: The next time you get a rejection letter, simply reject the rejection, a technique that I believe was first used by one Chris Jensen in applying for a professorship some years ago. Here's a suggested template that anyone can use:
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Dear Sir or Madam, this is to acknowledge that I have received the rejection letter that was posted to me on Thursday of last week.
I gave your letter long and careful consideration. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept it at this moment.
You will understand, I am sure, that there are always a very large number of rejection letters in circulation at the turn of the year when bonuses are paid. Furthermore, the current economic climate has increased the number of "no vacancy" slips sent out.
I myself appear to be particularly popular in this regard, having this year received many rejection letters from extremely impressive companies.
Clearly, I am unable to accept all of them. So while I thank you for sending it to me, I regretfully inform you that I have to reject it.
Please do not take this personally. There was nothing at all wrong with your letter. But it does not coincide with my particular needs at this time.
In this regard, I will be starting work at your office on Monday morning of next week at 9 am precisely.
I wish you every success in rejecting other candidates. Best of luck. See you on Monday!
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Will sending out the letter above guarantee you a job? Well, the bosses who receive it can only react in one of three ways.
1) They are so stupid they won't get it and will ignore it. Those are firms you wouldn't want to work for.
2) They'll be so confused, they'll expect you to turn up on Monday, and they'll prepare a desk for you.
3) They'll enjoy your sense of humor, thank you for the laugh, and contact you when a job needing a sharp mind becomes available.
Such as mine, for example. Oops.
