Exclusive: Bush on Asia

Outgoing President in open, relaxed mood

By Nury Vittachi

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US President George W. Bush is shortly to hang up his holster. How has his reign changed the relationship between Asia and the West? In an exclusive interview, a relaxed, candid Bush reveals all.
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Bush: I jess want you ta tell the Asian people that ah am totally in favour of them continuing to export their great, great products, such as fortune cookies, to the Land of the Free.
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Interviewer: Er, fortune cookies are American.
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Bush: That's right. I noo that. What I meant was Asian CULTURAL products, such as The Karate Kid, and Mulan, and all them great movies you guys make.
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Interviewer: Those movies are American too.
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Bush: I noo that, too. I meant Asian movie actors, such as Pat Morita and George Takei.
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Interviewer: Let's just move on. Now, surveys show that Asians feel very negative about foreign policy during your presidency.
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Bush: And so they should. What ah mean is, ahm not surprised they feel negative, since it is rather a complexified subject easy to misunderestimate.
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Interviewer: Your invasion of Iraq was widely condemned by Asian nations.
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Bush: Let me explain it in simplerized terms. America was attacked on 911. So we fought back by attacking Iraq, also known as Iran.
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Interviewer: But Iraq had no connection with the 911 attacks.
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Bush: Yeah! Lucky them. Otherwise we would have smacked 'em WAY harder.
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Interviewer: But why attack them at all, since they were innocent of the crime?
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Bush: Because that there Saddam Hussein repeatedly denied having weapons of mass destruction. We warned him that if he continued ta deny it, we would invade. So we did.
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Interviewer: So when you attacked him, did he use them in defense?
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Bush: Nope. You see, them weapons never really existed. It was all a bluff.
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Interviewer: But hadn't he been saying all along that they never existed?
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Bush: He only said that ta make us think the opposite.
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 Interviewer: Do you really believe that?

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Bush: Of course. Ain't it logical?

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Interviewer: What do you feel about Asia today?
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Bush: Ah love the food. Specially the fortune cookies. But your countries have terr'ble human rights records.

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Interviewer: What about Guantanamo Bay?

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Bush: Yeah, them too. ALL Asian countries.

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Interviewer: Guantanamo Bay is American.

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Bush:  I noo that.

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Interviewer: President Bush, when you took office, there was a tiny handful of serious terrorists hostile to America. Now the great majority of the world's population is angry with America, including most Asian nations.

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Bush:  Well, Saddam Hussein shouldn't have started all that trouble.

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Interviewer: He didn't. You did.

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Bush:  Technically, that's right. Well, it's important to take the initiative. We call it The Amer'can Way.

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Interviewer: How would you like people in Asia to remember you?

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Bush: Asian folks respect business, right? Well, ah was the guy who steered more power into the hands of the business comoonity than anyone ever before.

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Interviewer: But didn't that end up triggering a global financial crisis?

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Bush: Yah can't blame me for that.  We should blame Iraq. Or North Korea. Don’t really matter who. Each one is a heavily armed place run by a self-obsessed, trigger-happy leader.

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Interviewer: Rather like America over the past eight years?

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Bush: Exactly.

Comments

[tc]

I am going to use "misunderestimate" in my next finance meeting. I think that word has a great future, sadly.
Thanks Nury - I usually just get angry when I think of Dubya. This article made me unclench my jaw and laugh!

[Jigishu Ahmed]

Hey check this link out.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7809160.stm

This is to prove Bush has no idea what he is talking about.

[nihal amarasekera]

I am new to this site. fascinated with Bush Humour.

It is not everybody who could kindle humourous creativeness & wit of mortals like us.

I would like to touch on only on "hang up his helmet"

Once he hangs up the helmet' he will be prone to head injuries; both by accident and by design.

Once he hangs up his holster; mankind be somewhat safe from stray bullets.

Once he hanks up his brain; americans & rest of the world can be safe from his foolish decisions.

If he hangs up his boots & push off to timbucktoo so much the better.

But most of all I hope & pray that nobody (especially Barak Obama) will not pick up what Bush has hung up.

[fardel]

There is no way bush could have made these comments recently; His advisers have already left ,and his notes have been destroyed so that they could not be used to hang him.
This is what he has said to another interviewer:

Interviewer: Er, fortune cookies are American.:
"the whole world is american, fortune cookies too. You sould know better."
Interviewer: surveys show that Asians feel very negative about foreign policy
"This is normal, they live below the Equator and their feeling work opposite to us , the world, because they live upside down,an there ,the Earth turns in the opposite direction of us, I mean U.S.
Interviewer: But Iraq had no connection with the 911 attacks.

middle -asians built this new I-rak computer, which had no connections at all;
We had to scrap it and destroy it so that the world would remain in control of Micro and soft.
Interviewer: So when you attacked him, did he use them in defense?
Who said we attacked him? we did not know what to do with our 300,000 troops;
I sent them in the desert without batteries for their gps ; it was part of a survival experiment;
I was told that it would take them 40 years to find their way home
the rest is collateral damage
Interviewer: What do you feel about Asia today?
I think that I should divorce her

Interviewer: Guantanamo Bay is American.
Yes I know that.
Thank you to remind me that Baptista offered this beach property in the Caribbean to my father when he was a kid;
This is where I shall retire.
Interviewer: How would you like people in Asia to remember you?
They cannot ,they do not have enough memory.
Interviewer: But didn't that end up triggering a global financial crisis?
What financial crisis?
My friends came up with this scheme to offer me a goodbye present;
my media friends called it a finacial crisis,The rest of the world is so stupid that they beleived it AND pay the bill.
Interviewer: Rather like America over the past eight years?
Nope, america has been like that since 1789, but the rest of the world is too ignorant to remember that:
In 1789 we invaded Japan but were kicked out, tried again in 1942 And made it
Then there was France in 1944, but we were kicked out in 1963
There was Vietnam too but ,there we were kicked out too as in Korea,
We still control south america,africa , kind of, Israel,

The only country we left peacefully was the Philippines .
We left in a day and a half, a record;
the terrorists had blown up the Pinatubo mountain but were killed in the process.we shall never know who they were;
Are you finished now, so that I can ask my monkey to write my memoirs?

[Santox]

Asia & Bushism

Some leaders are born with greatness,
some leaders inherit it.
Yet some leaders are entrusted with greatness,
while some grabbed greatness with open arms.
Some had greatness thrown at them.
Rarely had greatness offered to them.
But it is important to remain great all the times.
A leader keeps believing in himself,says and does great things.

Hats off to leaders!
Why shoo them off?
It is not easy to be great leader at all times.
Even harder for a leader to be an ordinary man,
what more a misunderestimated man.

[Leo]

Bushism?

Buffism?

Baptism?

Nah!! Bushism = Napalm bomb!!!
It leaves burns and fires everywhere it goes!!!
See Gaza? See Iraq? See Iran? See Afghanistan?
Horray for Bushism!! Horray for New World Order, and Cheer for the Apocalypse!!!

Everyone's gonna die twice when Bush leading America for a better future...^^

[Cookie]

Everybody can fail,
but Nury nay, nay, nay!

u r the best columnist in this century!
They should give u an Oscar and a Noble prize!
By the way Bollywood is releasing a film
captioned "The President is coming!"
based on Bush's visit to India in 2006.
it is sort of a tribute to Bush!
Such an outrage!*yuck*