By Nury Vittachi
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The universe is beige, scientists have discovered.
I'm sorry to bring you such bad news, but I am required to force this down your throat under the First Law of Journalism, which says: "Thou shalt push bad news as it selleth more newspapers."
A pair of US scientists, Karl Glazebrook and Ivan Baldry, used a survey of more than 200,000 galaxies to average out the colors of all visible light. The found that the basic color scheme of the universe is beige, a creamy off-white color popular in the 1970s but despised by designers ever since.
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For expert comment, I went to one of Asia's top design experts, Lorraine Justice, head of the Hong Kong-based School of Design. She remembered beige and 1970s styles very well. "Plastic wood-grain was at its height and found on everything from televisions to station wagons," she said.
Lorraine said she knew of a famous designer who was asked in a lecture: "What's the best colour in the world?" He realized the answer should be beige.
It's the ultimate non-colour: it clashes with nothing and matches everything (which is why it was used for all computers, fridges and washing machines for decades, until Apple started making gear in orange and purple and white).
The famous designer's own answer depressed him. "He quit lecturing after that question, as it was too much to contemplate," Lorraine added.
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Anyway, as soon as the discovery was made, scientists embarked on a mission to think of a name to define the universe's precise shade of beige.
One suggested "Skyvory". Another proposed "Primordial Clam Chowder", after the whitish-yellowish-pinkish cream soup.
Glazebrook and Baldry eventually chose "Cosmic Latte" because it would match nicely with the "Milky Way", both being celestial drinks. Now all we need is for someone to find a giant cup of tea in space to complete the set.
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All this proves that contrary to popular opinion, scientists do occasionally display a lively sense of humor. Take Paul May of Bristol University in the UK, for example, who has quietly become the world's greatest expert on molecules with silly names.
For instance, he found an organic substance in ancient Egyptian jars called Moronic Acid. He admits to having no idea why it was named that, as it does its job very well.
Dr May is also fond of Furfuryl Furfurate, a smelly substance which is possibly the most unpronounceable substance in the universe. By rights, it should really have been discovered by the scientist in the Steve Martin movie The Man With Two Brains, whose name was Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr, equally unpronounceable.
Sometimes scientists give things seriously unsuitable names. Chemists shortened the term "anti-papain protease inhibitor" to "Antipain". This was an amazingly bad idea, because if you put a drop of Antipain on your skin, it really hurts.
Dr May reckons the substance with the silliest name of all is a white rock found in a town named Cummington in the United States. It's classified as a mineral called Cummingtonite.
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I reckon scientists need a sense of humour to balance out the seriousness of their work. It was Einstein, after all, who said that two things were widely believed to be not just massive, but infinite in size: "They are the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe."
Maybe we give too much credit to some scientists,who have to come up with "results" in order to get their money, especially those from a certain country , where one can see things which others cannot;
The beige colors; hum!
Are you sure that their telescopes were not pointing to an egg farm in fog?
Posted by: fardel | Wednesday, 28 January 2009 at 01:43 PM