Why Brits in India are given buckets

By Nury Vittachi

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Warning: the following posting is extremely controversial and may result in rioting, looting of embassies, or international tension between nuclear powers. Or it just may make you feel hungry.

Whatever. You have been warned.
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First, many thanks to all the readers who wrote to me about curry. Clearly this is a subject of the utmost importance, unlike trivialities such as the world financial crisis or global warming.

West-east versions of curry have a long history, readers said. "English curry, a yellow-brown gloopy substance eked out with raisins and sugar, was on my grammar school menu in 1953," wrote Neil Thomson from Australia. And Jane Austen mentions curry in Mansfield Park, first published in 1812, he added.

But the saddest letter came from curry-loving British tourist Sam Yeung who visited India last year. "It was amazing. There was almost nothing on the menu in any restaurant that I recognized. No balti curries, no chicken tikka masala, and not one of the waiters knew what a vindaloo was," he said.

                I can see that the time has come to tell the whole truth.
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None of the popular international curries are from India.

                Those "Indian curry houses" that you see in every town in Britain are not Indian at all. The vast majority of them (in 1998 it was 85 per cent) are Bangladeshi. Staff come from a specific district of Bangladesh. Sylhet in the northeast of that country actually specializes in breeding British curry house waiters.
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Another myth: Vindaloo is a super-hot Indian curry.

                Fact: Vindaloo is not Indian. It's Portuguese. Sailors from that country arrived at the Indian city of Goa with a pork dish called vinha d'alhos, which means wine and garlic stew. The natives, filled with pity for people living on bland European food, fixed the recipe and shortened vinha d'alhos to vindaloo.

                The Portuguese agreed that the revised version was way better than the original and spread it around the world.

                But it wasn't good enough for India. Even today, asking for vindaloo outside Goa produces a diagonal head-sway, which is an Indian body-language for: "I don't know what you're talking about, idiot foreigner."
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Myth three: The top Indian curry dish is chicken tikka masala.

                Fact: it’s not Indian at all, but from Glasgow in Scotland. A drunken Scotsman ordered chicken tikka (a dry dish) instead of chicken curry (a wet dish) and demanded that curry sauce be poured over it.  
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Brits particularly like an Indian dish called balti.

                But there's no such food in India. Bangladeshi restaurateurs in the British city of Birmingham started serving food in tiny iron woks so they could serve less and charge more. Having no word for wok, they called it balti (bucket) curry. Believing this to be an exotic import, UK diners went crazy for it.

                The result is that vast numbers of British tourists go to India and have the following conversation.

                "I'd like a balti curry please."

                "You want a bucket curry?"
                "A balti curry."

                "Yes sir. Would you like your bucket on the bone or off the bone? Mild, medium or hot?"

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Several readers said their families discovered authentic curry thanks to products from an Indian goods export firm called Sharwoods.

                Actually, Sharwood's products come from the north of England and the company was started by a man named Jim.

                You may now riot.

 

Comments

[khirsah]

Kind of reminded me that fortune cookies served in Chinese restaurants in America do not originate from China...

[Quentin]

Some of the best food I've ever eaten has been in the north of India on my many trips there, and not one dish resembled anything served at any Australian Indian restaurant. However, I discovered a restaurant in Banglore that served food so hot it just about took the back of your head off. Mind you, the restaurant's logo of a red chili and a green chili should have been the giveaway. But again, it did not involve curry. If my fellow Aussies or the Brits want to experience 'real' Indian food which is amazing, get your butt on a plane to India - don't go to your local and order another bloody 'Vindaloo'.

[Andrew McDonald]

It's well known in England that Tikka Masala was invented overhere most people seem to think it was a chef in London or Birmingham who thought of it, I'd never have imagined it came from the land of the deep fried mars bar

Hmm I wonder what Fish and Chips are like in India, do you get served French Fries made of some unditerminable substance that definitely isn't potato ?

[Mr Jam]

Thanks for the comments, Khirsah and everyone.

I hate to admit this, Quentin, but the last time i was in India, i found the "real" Indian food too spicy. I was longing for Hong Kong or Singapore Indian food, which is very simple and mild and creamy.

As for your comment, Andrew, about chips in India, you are right -- generally speaking, British-style chips are hard to find in Asia.

The best chips i have ever had are in Australia. They are as fat as British chips, as crisp as American fries, and they always cames with two dips which were much more interesting than the traditional ketchup -- Aussies eat fries with Thai sweet chili sauce and fresh mayonnaise.

[An]

I've been fortunate enough to be invited into a Indian friend's birthday party, where they did a massive potluck/catering with lots of (what I believe to be) pretty close to true Indian food. Very hot curries (of which none I recognised except something that resembled dahl), and very scrumptious dessert balls (I'd have none of the western style ice cream or cake - why have those when I can get the chance to try real Indian food).

One particular one was a dumpling type dessert with very very sweet syrup sauce I thought I'd get cavities in my teeth. Another was a ball dessert with raisins, rice-puff looking sweet appetiser. Both very yum (I need to sear the name of those into my head - or obtain pictures of them...)

Thanks Nury for the extremely entertaining post (and somewhat educational). This article really got an "laughing out loud" from me.

[Nury]

Dear An, I think you discovered Gulab Jamun, which is an achingly sweet soft ball of something served swimming in syrup. Enjoy it while you can. As I get older, I find myself less and less able to eat sweet, sugary things, and would run out of a room screaming if I see a Gulab Jamun approaching!
Anyway, thanks for the comment, which made me smile!

[sham]

Another one in the guise of Indian food, I think, is the curry devil - very similar to vindaloo. Imagine my British friends horror when they realized I did not know how to cook chicken tikka masala - knowing Indian food an all.

[fardel]

I am lucky to find ready-to-eat indian meals here;
I tried curry chicken ; It took a whole fire truck to cool me down;
I bought a kit to make Rasmalai;
Now that you mentioned that it is good I shall try it.
Thank you for help me discover a cuisine which I did not know.

[Vaisnavi]

so, is iwe literature like that too, then?

[Bangla Music]

Please try this Recipe --

Bhaja muger dal Recipes

Ingredients
1 cup Yellow split mung beans
5 cups Water
¼ teaspoon Turmeric
2 eaches Green chiles
¾ teaspoon Salt
1 teaspoon Sugar
2 teaspoons Cumin, ground
2 teaspoons Coriander, ground
1½ tablespoon Vegetable oil
1 each Bay leaf
½ teaspoon Kalonji seeds
3 tablespoons Ginger, minced
1 teaspoon Green chile, seeded & minced
¼ teaspoon Garam masala
2 tablespoons Lemon -=OR=- lime juice
Ghee, optional
Green chile, slivered, for garnish
Preperation & Cooking
Place mung beans on ungreased griddle or in a skillet over medium to medium-low heat. Stirring often, roast the dal for 8 to 10 minutes. The dal will acquire a lighter colour & emit a nutty aroma. Be careful that they do not turn a dark brown. Transfer to a bowl & wash if desired. Bring water to a boil & stir in the dal along with the turmeric & whole chiles. Simmer, covered, until the dal is tender, 35 to 45 minutes. While cooking, uncover & stir occasionally. Add salt, sugar, cumin & coriander. Keep warm. Heat oil in a skillet. Add bay leaf & kalonji & fry for a few seconds. Add ginger & minced green chile & fry until the ginger is lightly browned which should be no more than 2 minutes. Stir constantly. Pour into the dal & mix well. Simmer for a further couple of minutes & remove from heat. Blend in the garam masala, lemon or lime juice & ghee if desired. Cover & let stand to let the flavours develop. Garnish & serve.

You can find more recipes like this @ http://www.foodrecipeshub.com/cusines_list.php?cusine=17/Bangladeshi_Cusines+Bangladeshi_Recipes

[CHRISMAL Perera]

no offence. BUT PORK fried,baked,spiced,marianted,whatever is the best food!

[Hypnotherapy London]

Intresting stuff. Enjoyed reading the comments too