According to the bricklayers
By Nury Vittachi
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What will the economy do in 2009? Will it recover? Will it fall further?
We asked representatives of every major professional group to sum up their members' opinions in a single sentence. The results are in.
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The Air Traffic Controllers' Association said: "We reckon the whole thing is up in the air."
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The Archaeologists' Society said: "The economy will dig itself into the ground."
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The Air Pilots' Association said: "We will shortly be encountering a period of turbulence."
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The Automobile Association said: "We're giving it the green light."
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The Society of Blacksmiths said: "We're going to get hammered."
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The Botanists' Society said: "The problems extend right down to the roots."
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The Bricklayers' Union said: "It's going to hit a wall."
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The Chiropractors' Association said: "The important thing is to relax and let everything click into place."
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The Clockmakers' Society said: "It will tick over at first, but then wind down."
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The Association of Courier Companies said: "It'll get there, but take longer than you think."
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The Society of Dancers said: "We see it taking steps in the right direction."
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The Dentists' Association said: "Now this won't hurt a bit."
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The Electricians' Union said: "Sparks are going to fly."
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The Entomologists' Club said: "Our members say they can detect a buzz."
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The Farmers' Association said: "We see it growing organically from the ground up."
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The Fire-Fighters' Union said: "It’ll crash and burn."
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The Society of Florists' said: "It'll blossom at first, but will then wilt."
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The Funeral Directors' Society said: "It's dead and buried."
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The Geologists' Union said: "It's as solid as a rock."
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The Hairdressers' Association said: "We're going to go long at the top but definitely short at the back and the sides."
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The Herpetologists' Club said: "It'll snake about a bit."
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The Human Resources Managers' Union said: "We see it downsizing."
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The Jockey Club said: "After lagging for a length it will beat the odds by a short nose."
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The Journalists' Union said: "It'll be SENSATIONAL."
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The Librarians' Society said: "Returns will be late coming and will incur penalties."
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The Lift Technicians' Union said: "We foresee a smooth descent to zero."
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The Glider Pilots' Association said: "It'll stay up for longer than most people think."
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Members of the Golf Club said: "It's going to be below par."
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The Explosive Materials Institute said: "It'll go with a bang."
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The Union of Miners said: "We see it falling into a big black hole."
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The Musicians' Association said: "After a slow start, it will rise to a major crescendo."
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The Union of Lumberjacks said: "Successive cuts will weaken the structure until it falls slowly to the ground with a loud crash."
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The Flight Engineers' Union said: "There be a short delay for technical reasons."
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The Interpreters' Club said: "The economy will fall, tomber, vallen, jatuh, cadere, falle or cair."
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The Financial Analysts' Society said: "It may go up, it may go down, or it may stay the same. Can I have my bonus now please?"
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The Marine Biologists' Institute said: "It's heading underwater."
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The Meteorologists' Association said: "The outlook is gloomy spells with scattered storms."
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The Petroleum Importers Society said: "It'll run out of gas."
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The Nanotechnology Institute said: "There will be improvements, but they will be very very very VERY small."
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The Nuclear Scientists' Union said: "Don’t worry, nothing can go wrong. Just keep repeating that."
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The Union of Nurses said: "It'll be a bitter pill to swallow."
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The Oceanographers' Institute said: "Trouble is coming, wave after wave of it."
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The Opthalmologists' Union said: "It's hard to forecast as the top is clear but the bottom is a bit blurry."
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The Piling Contractors' Association said: "The most important thing is to lay a firm foundation."
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The Pilots' Society said: "We will shortly be beginning our descent."
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The Police Officers' Club said: "It will proceed straight ahead in a westerly manner before encountering disturbances counter to the maintenance of further onward progress."
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The Property Sales Association said: "It's as safe as houses."
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The Expectant Mothers' Society said: "You're laboring under a misconception."
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The Society of Public Relations Officers said: "There's going to be another massive fall, or what we prefer to call a 'negative rise'."
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The Psychiatrists' Union said: "You're all bonkers."
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The Association of Quality Control Inspectors said: "It's a reject."
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The Unlicensed Bus Drivers' Union said: "Hold tight, it's going to be a wild ride."
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The Skaters' Association said: "It’s on thin ice."
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The Society of X-Ray Technicians said: "We can see right through this one."
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The Storytellers' Society said: "It will grow like Topsy."
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The Taxidermists' Union said: "It's totally stuffed."
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The Teachers' Union said: "Fail. Re-take. Must try harder."
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The Union of Time Signal Announcers said: "At the beep, the economy will go from recession to depression: Bip. Bip. Bip. Beeeeep."
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The Urologists' Conference said: "The notion of recovery just doesn’t hold water."
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The Veterinary Surgeons' Union said: "Anyone expecting good news is barking mad."
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The World Council of Churches said: "Heaven only knows."
