What is two times two?

How to produce well-rounded financial experts

By Nury Vittachi

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Easterners to the rescue! Over the next five years, Asia will take over as financial leader of the world, a committee of representatives from the region announced last night.

               "But we are not going to make the same mistakes that Wall Street made," a spokesman added. "Instead, we are going to produce a generation of characteristically Asian money-handlers: they will be well-rounded and holistic, with bad haircuts and 1980s eyewear."

                A key aspect of the scheme is to encourage Asian women to follow a career in banking.

"This proves two things," said the spokesman. "First, Asian men are not sexist, and second, we are chivalrous, as the women will be given only the simplest tasks, so as not to overtax their small brains."

                To achieve this new paradigm, Asian headhunters have been ordered to hire financial staff of both sexes from ALL departments of Asian universities, including arts and humanities.

                Critics from the banking sector blasted the scheme as unrealistic. The dean of a top business school, who did not wish to be named, said: "No offence intended, but everyone knows that arts and humanities students are utterly clueless morons."

                A spokesman for the Asian Arts and Humanities Association angrily retorted: "Oh, yes we are."
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                To ensure a basic degree of numeracy, candidates in the first round of interviews were asked to respond to a straightforward mathematical equation. The question was:  "What is two times two?"

The responses were as follows:
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            Music Student: "A polka."

Architecture Student: "A pair of duplex semis."

Religion Student: "Marrying the same person after reincarnation."

Engineering Student: "Metric or imperial?"

Drama Student: "Two twos? Or not two twos? That is the question."

Sociology Student: "The answer is: Not enough to live on, unless we augment the numbers with government grants."

Languages Student:  "C'est deux. Es ist zwei.  Se trata de dos. Het is twee."

Food Tech Student: "Twelve hundred calories, or a pair of cheeseburgers."

Law Student:  "Before I answer that question, I will need you to sign this form indicating that I am not liable for any losses resulting from answers I give."

Economics student: "Assuming compound interest, 4.025."

Philosophy Student:  "It depends on whether the numbers exist, or indeed, whether the questioner exists, and on what proofs we can get on either question."

Computer Studies Student: "That’s easy, it’s 01010101."

Mathematics Student: "Are we talking positive or negative integers? In a binary universe or base-4?"

Buddhism Student: "A tree."

Physics Student: "Does the word 'time' in your question refer to the time-space continuum or Einsteinian fourth dimensional time?"

English Student:  "A pair of rhyming couplets or a quatrain."

Biology Student:  "In terms of asexual bacterial conjugation, the answer would be between four and five billion within 24 hours."

Dance Studies Student:  "The answer is a glissade step followed by a quarter-spin, repeat and bow to your partner."

Stockbroking student: "Depends on the margin."

Chemistry Student:  "Since two molecules of CO2 are generated for each acetyl CoA molecule introduced into the citric acid cycle, the answer is a pair of acetyle CoA molecules."

Financial Analysis student: "A massive loss."

Digital Media Student: "I have no idea what the answer is, but give me a week and I can make a 3D image of the question spin round at funny angles."

 

Comments

[Leo]

A drop-out student: Who cares? I didn't get kick out because of that!!!

An Opticianry student: You just need a pair of better spectacles.

A Criminology student: That's the number of years for you to live in jail when you are charged for arson and vandalism.

[Engineer]

As an engineer, I feel compelled to explain that two times two can be anywhere between two and six.

Since "two" (as opposed to say, 2.0) can be anything between 1.5 and 2.4999, two times two can be anything between 2.25 (two) and 6.2499 (six), and thats before you've even figured out if they're square metres or square feet!

I notice too that you omitted the accountant's answer:
"What would you like it to be?"

[Adalina Lo]

So... who can answer the question correctly?

I'm worried about answering the question, because I'm not sure whether it's a trap.

What does that make me? ;)

[fardel]

Airline student pilot :”The dates I shall have on international flights,one on each flight, one at each stopover”
Second airline student pilot:” the number of engines I need to shut down to turn my airliners into a glider "
Bomber student pilot:”The number of engines running if I shut down the same amount of engines as second airline student pilot”
Airforce student pilot “ the number of underwear I need to change in one hour of flight training”
Second airforce pilot” the number of rolls I can do around bomber pilot in one minute”
Third airforce student pilot" the times 100 x fuel stops I need in order to keep up with airline student pilot"
Navy student pilot :” the number of arresting cables I need to catch on landing if I do not want to swim home”
Glider student pilot” My destination: to the ground, to the ground,to the ground or to the ground”
Helicopter student pilot:” the number of hands I need to fly this damn piece of §’*&*”
Astronaut student pilot :”the times 100,000.00 money I shall make in a day, when I fly around Earth”
Cosmonaut student pilot :’” the number of days’rest I shall take after same flight as astronaut”
Taikonaut student pilot “ the number of hours’s rest I shall take after same flight as cosmonaut”
French astronaut student pilot “ the bottles of wines and cheese I shall take on same flight as others”
Italian astonaut student pilot” the number of decades before I can join others on same flight”
Every student pilot:"the daily hours of sleep we get during flight training"

[Steve]

Accountacy Student............. After deep thought............. "What would you like it to be".

[Lurker_23]

Woodwork student: "A two by two is a short thick plank."
Woodwork student's teacher: "This student is also a short thick plank."

[Vince A]

Humorist: A 500-word article

[LSH]

Feng shui enthusiast: 2+2 = number you do not want to be associated with.

[arts student]

Arts & Humanities Student : It depends on the context in which the question is placed. And I am not a clueless moron!

LOL

[Asian haircuts Fan]

2 x 2 = 2 + 2 = 4 people shouldn't think too much :p

[May]

first of all, i would like to say thanks to Asian haircuts fan to draw my attention to read this article.....yes, it is common for law students, lawyers or ppl. doing legal related works to have such response, to get ppl. signing an indemnity, undertaking, liabilities declaimed letters, etc before answering quest...as i am, LOL

[Tara]

In Hong Kong, there is a milk powder advertisment in which a teacher asks a group of kindergarden students what 2+2 is.
The kid writes 2+2 = 2x2 + 2squared. SHOW OFF!! If he isn't corrected he will soon be writing 3
+3 =3x3 =3squared.

[Blake]

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[P]

π

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