The blonde who loved Asian guys

Diana was ditzy but had good taste in men 

By Nury Vittachi

*

Love is blind? No way. Almost all east-west couples I know are tall Western guys with petite Asian women. How come there are so few Asian guys with Western girls?

                "Because Asian men tend to be runtish, puny, wimpy and taciturn, no offence intended," said my Canadian friend Diana.

                I chose to take no offence, although it was curious that she had stumbled upon four words which appear on my most recent medical checkup report.

                Yet there is one fascinating exception. Britain's late Princess Diana, the ultimate celebrity blonde of the 1990s, was obsessed with Asian guys.  That gal had taste! It’s all in Tina Brown's book The Diana Chronicles.

Diana was madly in love with her doctor, a skinny Pakistani named Hasnat Khan. But his family was suspicious of this married, tiara-wearing hussy. The lovesick princess bought several midriff-baring south Asian costumes to add to her allure and even plotted to convert to Islam. Hasnat’s family quickly married him off to a real Asian girl.

                Diana, utterly broken-hearted, looked for Asian male substitutes and hooked up with other swarthy, dark-haired men, such as Dodi Fayed. And she was particularly "close" to Hong Kong-based Indian businessman Gulu Lalvani at the time of her death, the book says.

                It's a good read, and the inescapable conclusion is that had she not died, Princess Diana would eventually have moved to Asia and become a tai-tai (non-working woman, lady who lunches, etc).

*
Imagine the scene.

DI-DI THE TAI-TAI. A one-act play.

 

                Diana: What's this white stuff?

                Asian husband: Rice.

                Diana: Oh. Does it have any calories?

                Asian husband: I hope so.

                Diana: Well I can't eat it, then. Do you have any organic lettuce?

                Asian husband: No.

                Diana: Isn't there any British food available in this part of the world?

                Asian husband: Like what?

                Diana: Chicken curry.

                Asian husband: Yes, we have that.

                Diana: Thank God. I guess that's one of the benefits of colonialism. We can share our British culinary treasures with you people. Is the chicken organic?

                Asian husband: Well, it has organs, yes.

                Diana: I don't think that's what organic means.

                Asian husband: Well, it is made of organic material as opposed to inorganic material, if that's what you want.

                Diana: Well, I suppose that's all right then. Hey, where are you going?

                Asian husband: Out. To get you some chicken curry.

                Diana: You can't go outside! This is Asia. You'll be killed by landmines. They cover the whole of Asia!

                Asian husband: The whole of Asia isn't covered with landmines.

                Diana: It isn't? Then what have I been campaigning about for all these years?
*
Now every time I write something negative about Princess Diana, I get angry letters accusing me of being disrespectful to a Modern Saint.

To which I respond that she can only be classified as a saint if she has performed certified miracles, and I'm not sure that sleeping with her guards without getting caught by the media counts. The Pope is not big on that kind of thing.
                Mind you, I'm very sad that she died. If Diana had lived, and pursued her interest in Asian men, she would have transformed our reputation.

We'd be wearing badges saying: "Runtish, wimpy, puny, taciturn and proud of it."

Comments

[Jinie]

Runtish, wimpy, puny, and taciturn?
Doesn't sound too convincing but hey i got to say...i love asian men! LOL

[Mahboob Hossain]

HAHAHA, Mr. Vittachi is simply incredible, superb sense of humour. Well Asian men are now changing, if not the eastern ones, the indians are definitely no longer taciturn, and with gym conscious on the rise, no longer runtish as well :)
However, i do know few couple with asian guys and western girls, its on the rise, but i guess the main reason for not seeing enough of such combination is that asian, especially indian subcontinental girls are the pretties on planet earth. So why would i want a western girl??

[fardel]

Using a ladder to kiss the bride must be very embarassing

[catterpillarboy]

Funny that my wife (who is of Viking/German descent) and I (being of Filipino/uses yo-yo's as a weapon descent) were thinking that there are no other skinny asian male/hot gweilo woman couples that we know of...at the Asian supermarket here in Central Texas all the mixed couples were the other way around...

By the way, "Runtish, wimpy, puny, taciturn"- let's explore that from my point of view:

Runtish- does being the only male born to my parents make me the runt of the litter? According to my sisters- Yes.

Wimpy- Why, I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today...I am also only 90lbs, but let's not dwell on that

Puny- At 5'6 many Texans tower over me, but then again when I visit Asia I am taller than many most of my relatives who consider me a giant...

Taciturn- Because in the Star Trek universe, the most Asian species are the Vulcans...cold, silent and logical- just like me! >^_^<

( >^_^< being Vulcanese for taciturn that unfortunately looks like a kitty happy face...)

[R.V.Ramani]

Real fun. Is it true that Diana behaves this way? Enjoyed the post. Your postings is a way of time-pass for retired persons like me!
RVR

[bartkid]

> four words which appear on my most recent medical checkup report
What a coincidence: "Because", "no", "offence", and
"intended" show up in my most recent medical report, too.

[Nury]

Dear Catterpillarboy, you can't really be 90 lbs. I am the puniest man in the universe and I weigh more than that. My ARM weighs more than that. Your wife sounds FAB, and she has good taste in men. What more could anyone want.

As for the ladder, I am lucky -- I am only about three or four inches shorter than my European wife. If I keep my shoes on and she slips hers off, we are more or less the same size on the dance floor, so we don't look too ridiculous.

Mahboob, you're right, there are some pretty amazing Indian girls on this planet. But when I was a teenager, I found Indian girls terrifying. Actually, I found ALL girls terrifying.

[GlassHouse]

That's interesting. My white male friend who has an Asian fetish warned me that white/Western women are obese, hairy, have nasty body odor and are too demanding. That's why he said he's "repulsed by those women and will always date Asian women."

So your Canadian friend "Diana" should also know what white men think of her. After all, there's a reason why so many white men are turning away from (and are "repulsed by") white/Western women.

My friend also told me that white/Western women are also "loud and obnoxious". Personally, I thought he was a pervert who wanted a submissive woman lol

[Chamin]

Indian girls can be pretty, but it needs only a careful look at their mothers to realize that that they eventually end up looking like those wooden barrels in "Ali Baba and the 40 thieves".

Worse, this process starts the day you decide to marry and is nearly complete by the 'honeymoon'.

[farah]

hehehe so true charmin. i wonder what happens to those girls who get married? it's like they also took vow to gain weight on the very same day of their wedding vows. not to forget the endless stream of parties and food celebrating the marriage can take a toll. but one burning question how come it doesnt effect the male genders?

[Gwyllgi]

I'm really sorry that my 1st comment(it's my 1st, right?)had to be a criticism but really I found this article....well, kind of offensive. After all you are better than this & you could have left sister Agnes out of it. Sorry again & thank you for your hard work.

[Mark]

Why does Diana have to pursue?

As a man you should be doing the pursuing!

==> Asian Pimp Status

[exchange scrap gold uk]

is this a joke???