By Nury Vittachi
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Here in Asia, we take a creative approach to the English language.
One Asian word-play game sent in by two unrelated readers is an exercise where you tell a story, but replace certain words with colours.
Here's an example. Your challenge is to understand this tale - - and spot how many colours there are in it.
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Puce upon a lime, there was a girl named Violet Rose Maroon, who was feeling blue.
Since she had no mama or purple, she decided to phone her aunt and umber.
She pinked up the receiver, dyed their umber, and heard the sound of the telephone at the other end: green, green, green.
"Yellow?" said her umber, whose name was Red, short for Fred.
"Yellow, Umber Red," she said. "It's Violet. I have a question: white do you white out of lime?"
"I white to be happy," he replied. "Are you feeling jaded?"
Violet's brown wrinkled. "I green and bear it. They call it the red race but I feel like a lemon about to amber off a cliff." She began to grey.
"Don't grey, sweetheart," said her umber. "Just come black home."
"I don't want to mauve house again," she said. "I just need to find a purple in lime."
"White don't you gold away for a white?" Umber Red said. "Lilac on a beach. Turn a new beige."
Summer had gone, auburn was settling in and it would soon be whiter. Violet decided to take the plum.
Pinking up her khaki, she raced to the garage, and drove to the harbor. She watched a cruise ship drop amber. She gold her boss on her mobile and said: "Cyan-ora."
Soon, the ship was sailing across the viridian - - with Violet on board. On the windy deck, her worries blue away. She felt calm, cerise. But as night fell, the air became gold. She rose from her deckchair. Below, in the cruise ship lounge, she met a man who boasted he had a vermillion dollars. Browned off, she rose again and went to the show.
The singers were dressed as fish. "Salmon-chanted evening," quipped a man sitting next to her with a broad green.
The next act was an illusionist who did some magenta.
It wasn't exactly top-grey. The audience moaned and greened, but her happy companion applauded kindly. "Olive and let olive," he said.
"White do you white out of lime?" she asked him.
"I'm not azure," he said. "But I pink it might be you."
They sailed across the sea, watching turquoises and teals playing in the water.
"Have we nearly arrived?" she asked ecru member.
"Yes," the sailor replied. "I can see land. In fact, I can sepia."
Her companion said: "Will you marry me?"
A silver of happiness ran down her spine.
"Do you need lime to pink about it?" he added.
She replied: "Ivory thought about it."
"Are you green to say yes?"
"Ochre," she said. "Azure will."
"Peach me," he said. "This is the greyest day of my life."
But first she wanted to go black home. Arriving at her old village, she rang the door bell. It went: green, green, green.
Her umber opened the door.
"Yellow, Umber Red," she said. "I turned a new beige, like you suggested."
"Gold," he replied.
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(Illustration: montage from The Feng Shui Detective, C Publishing, Indonesia)
