What Palin means to Asians

The global sitcom continues to amuse

By Nury Vittachi

*

A Western journalist called me the other day to ask what Asians thought of Sarah Palin.

“Just a minute,” I said. “I’ll ask them.”

I held my hand over phone, counted to 20 and then got back on the line. “They like him,” I said. “But they think he should make more episodes of Monty Python.”

There was a long pause. I heard the journalist’s brain cell click into place. “That’s not Sarah Palin,” she eventually said. “That’s Michael Palin.”

“Well, Asians would like her to tell her husband to make more episodes of Monty Python.”

“Actually, I don’t think Michael Palin is her husband.”

I took a sharp intake of breath. “They are not legally married? That’s something that Asians definitely do not approve of.”

“No, no, no, she’s married to someone else, not Michael Palin.”

“That makes it worse,” I said.

There are few things in life more pleasurable than tormenting American journalists. The only downside is that it is so easy. They are absolutely convinced that the rest of the world watches every detail of what happens in the United States as if it was some sort of wacky global sitcom designed to entertain the rest of the planet. Actually, that IS more or less the case. But I still like teasing them.

Anyway, the caller explained in words of one syllable that Sarah Palin could possibly be “the second most powerful person in the world” in a month and she needed a comment from Asia for a feature she was writing.

“I understand,” I said. “Well, the first thing that Asians would want to know is does this Palin come from Palin?”

“What do you mean?” she said.

“You do know there’s a place called Palin in Asia?”

Silence.

“It’s 400 kilometres north of Yangon. You do know where Yangon is, don’t you?” I asked.

She changed the subject. “Sure, but are Asians concerned that someone with no practical understanding of Asia could soon be in a position of global leadership?”

It was my turn to sound baffled. “George W Bush has been leader of America for eight years already. There’s a difference?”

“Ms Palin’s level of familiarity with Asia makes George W Bush look like an old China hand,” she replied.

                “Now you’re scaring me,” I complained.

                “So Asians wouldn’t vote for her?”

                “Most of us are not even allowed to vote for our own leaders. What’s the point of asking us whether we’d vote for yours?”

                Her tone was becoming icy, so I decided to strike a more conciliatory note. “What’s Ms Palin’s position on Jammu and Kashmir? How does she see Taiwan? For late-night takeaways, does she prefer Indian or Chinese?”

                The journalist told me that Ms Palin had expressed no opinions on those subjects. But she claimed to have foreign experience, since she lived in Alaska, which was near Russia.

                I nodded into the phone. “Alaska is near Russia, and Russia is near Asia, so that make her an Asia expert.”

                “She might think so,” the journalist said.

                Reluctantly, I decided I had to give a straight answer. “I think most Asians would rather that Obama’s team won.”

                “Because he has lived in Asia?”

                “Because his favourite food is chilli. He says his heart is all-American, but his bowels are definitely Asian.”

Comments

[Meg Warren]

How can no one have commented on this yet? Nury, very very cute. Very funny. Seriously, this is the you that keeps readers coming back for more.

[godiva]

yah... and obama's mother wanted him to move to indonesia (as indon said in another story)......Nury, did the conversation really went the way you say? The reporter did not, at any point, burst out laughing? NO? (wonder who she's voting for?)

[Saina]

I think its right that America is like a huge global sitcom that entertains the rest of the world. the downside is that while we are laughing, tremors from its earthquakes may well be moving the ground away from beneath our feet.

[The Life of Brian]

All kidding aside- that lady from Alaska scares me (but then again I fear most women, but it's usually a respectful fear, this lady gives the heebeejeebies I have not had since I first saw the Nightmare on Elm Street movies that my mom said would, funny enough, would give me my own nightmares- she's like a scarier version of an insane Thatcher)...if any of you have any American Expat pals, do me a favour and slap the hell out of them if they even try to take her seriously...

Michael Palin though- he's cool...now, I'll be talking Python all day...imagine if the lady started a Ministry of Funny Walks? It's not like anything can get worse if she becomes the No.2...

[Leo]

I guess America is the only country that can make millions of comedies everyday.

Anyway, the fact that "we don't get to vote for our leader" still stands firmly to the ground.

I hope the Americans are not making the same mistake they made 4 yrs ago!! Bush truly is a "leader" with no understanding of Asia.

[Jakartabear]

I'm a Westerner (not American) living in Asia, and this is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Sarah Palin would be funny too if the possibility of having her as the next US Vice President (and President if McCain dies, which is BTW not completely unlikely given his age) would be so scary.

[the writer]

Found your piece from The Jakarta Post. Love it! Absolutely hilarious

[Nury]

Thanks for all the kind comments on this piece. It's odd -- some of the most revealing incidents in one's life are the most trivial, like a short phone conversation with someone from a different society.

But behind all these little, amusing things we can snigger at, there are big changes going on. I wonder what the current crisis will do for America's reputation as the leader of the free world?

One cannot help but remember the Chinese ideogram, in which the character for crisis includes "opportunity".

[fardel]

There were Emperors Caligula,Claudius and Nero .... that was 2000 years ago.
2000 years later, the West did not learn from its history ....yet;
2000 years later ,China is still there ... and going... and going.....

Does the flight of a butterfly in China affect the rest of the world?

[Admirim]

Read this on thesun... Very funny!

[Shaik Anwar Ahamath]

I think Sarah Palin is the only one qualified for the job. She represents the attitude of 80% of the American people i.e. global warming cannot affect America, Asia is a far off place that is not worth bothering about, animals are there to serve mankind to be killed for food and sport and if a woman gets raped she was asking for it and has no right to demand an abortion should the consequence be a pregnancy.

[Vince A]

Out of 280 million Americans (less 20 million illegals), how did McCain, Obama, Biden, and Palin come to be the only choices? We Asians demand to know.

(But imho, Palin is far far more qualified and far far less terrifying than Obama).

[Nury]

I just had coffee with a publisher who is a bit of a historian. He said that the great depression of 1929 directly triggered a host of negative events, including a period of super-inflation, the rise of Hitler and the second world war.

I'm hoping history doesn't repeat itself!

As for your comments on Obama, I find the idea of having a semi-black person as leader of the free world rather attractive. But when I hear him speak, I find him a bit long-winded and cerebral and lawyerly. I don't find him dangerous, though.

My publisher said that he reckoned what was really happening was that America's loss of face is much bigger than most Americans realize -- they will no longer be seen as the role model to go for. I'm not sure. The "American dream" is still pretty attractive, and Asia is still swamped with High School Musical and Disney and MTV pushing those materialistic values.

[Vanita]

Hello! My friend posted this in her blog and reading it totally made my day. You have a new fan.

[Michael Fenton]

How can you say Bush has no practical understanding of Asia? For the past 8 years Asia has prospered and seen amazing economic growth. Bush's stance on free trade has been an important part of this growth and American business has been free to invest heavily in Asia. From an Asian perspective, seems like Bush has a very stong practical understanding of the region. I don't get what Obama will bring to the table. Who cares that he was born in Indonesia. Does anybody out there commenting on this blog even know anything about Obama's views on trade and security in Asia? Or are people around the world just so enthralled with the idea of Obama, rather than the person himself and his proposed policies.

[karuna]

" some sort of wacky global sitcom designed to entertain the rest of the planet"

Nury: why is that every day morning at 7.30 AM, both our English TV channels broadcast American TV news ?

As per 2006 Hong Kong census, there are just 13,608 American residents in Hong Kong!!

It surely is not a problem the English language news readers not able to wake up early enough. For every other morning, ATV news editor Chuggani is on RTHK radio chatting with our banana-power legislators and others.

Why are we English speaking people of Hong Kong denied good local English TV news in the morning ?

We do have a lot of interesting things happening in Hong Kong, like.. Banana-missiles, missing gold toilets, Yam-cakes, etc that would be a fun way to start the day watching.

And talking about bananas, how about HKU start to publish a daily "banana price index". There surely is a valid point somewhere in Long Hair's frequent outburst on the price of bananas.

[Nury]

Karuna, these are good questions. Hong Kong claims to be an international city, but the English-language newsrooms of the broadcasters, TV and radio and print, are gone completely or limping along in a rather poorly supported way. Yet we're not entirely without hope. I don't have the TV habit, thank God, so I enjoy the few remaining English language pleasures in this part of the world via radio:RTHK Radio Three and BBC World Service Radio.

[Diego]

Awesome, Nury. Just plain wonderful.

[karuna]

Nury
Was this problem of poorly managed newsroom a pre-handover or post-handover issue ?

I am regular TV news person. I do like both ATV and Pearl news coverage. It is just that we do not have them in the morning. It is only the Amercian News and CCTV.

But..other than news and news-related programs...the prime time local english content in both TV channels are non-existent.

How about you put on a director cap and make us a local English serial ?
From your writing and experience, it does seem that you are capable to do this.

[Nury]

The media in East Asia has really suffered in the past decade. The Far Eastern Economic Review has more or less gone, Asiaweek has gone, Time and Newsweek have only very small offices, the Asian Wall Street Journal has shrunk in various ways, and the English language broadcast news rooms have been severely cut back.

I think it may be up to us Internet users to become sources of news and information -- kind of a fun prospect!

As for your TV idea, thanks for the kind words. I get loads of offers from really good international TV stations to turn my stories into TV serials. One of these days I will say yes.

[catherine]

Wonderful, just made my day. Found you on the blog Cathie from Canada, which, as far as I know, is not an Asian blog. Heh heh

Keep it up. Sorry there is an American government in the world.

[karuna]

Nury..you should go for it. Say YES to the TV station and start your serial.
If you get it right, the market is really big.
There are more English speaking people in Asia compared with "traditional" English countries like UK and USA ....Aussies and Kiwis not counted since they do not speak English ;-)