The mystery of the disappearing organ

The men-only shrinking disease that is spread by phone

By Nury Vittachi

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Now I had better warn you before we start that today’s column focuses on an extremely serious topic of a highly delicate and mature nature. It should therefore be read with your hand over your mouth, sniggering quietly to yourself.

The subject is koro, or male organ theft. I can hear a sharp intake of breath from older male readers all over Asia. No one who has experienced koro can ever forget it.

This is the scary bit—there are numerous records of people catching koro by speaking to a sufferer on a telephone.

And this is the even scarier bit: we are overdue for another epidemic of it.

Koro (suo yang in Mandarin, suk yeong in Cantonese) is a male-only disease. 

This is how it works. Men wake up to discover that a widely popular organ has shrunk dramatically. They panic. This causes it to shrink further, disappearing before their very eyes. They leap out of bed and tie things to it, in a bid to stop it withdrawing completely. This causes it to become so small it can only be seen with an electron microscopic. Running out of the house with one hand in their trousers and one on their electron microscope, they go to warn their friends. Or they hide in the house and telephone their friends.

Either way, these unfortunate acquaintances are promptly hit by the same disease. They tell others and so on, until thousands of males have the problem.

When doctors realized it was spread not by germs but by whispers, they worked out that it was a form of mass hysteria, which fed on a sense of genital inadequacy felt by most males (present columnist excepted).

There was a huge epidemic of koro in Asia in 1967-1968 (centered in Singapore) and another in 1984-1987 (centered in Guangdong, China). We are overdue for another one.

Now my suggestion is this. Instead of waiting for it to break out by itself, let’s keep it in control by doing a bit of social engineering. All you have to do is approach a male anywhere in Asia who has not read this column (there may be a few). Explain to him what koro is and tell him that an outbreak is expected in Asia any day now.

If you do your job well, he will race to the men’s room to “wash his hands”. He will then emerge two minutes later, white-faced, looking for string and heavy objects.

            Do not laugh. This is serious business.

            Hand him a length of twine and a small anvil that you have conveniently placed beforehand in your handbag.

            When he explains that he is having a little “man trouble”, advise him to talk to his friends about it, and hand him your mobile phone.

            Before you know it, we will have set in train a massive experiment in viral marketing.

Talking of psychosomatic diseases, I was intrigued to hear that los of schools in Bangladesh closed earlier this month because of what doctors call “outbreaks of hysterical behavior” among schoolgirls. They were observed to be falling around, laughing and weeping and fainting. These episodes dramatically interrupted schoolgirls’ normal daytime activity, which was behaving hysterically and falling around, laughing, weeping and fainting.

Or maybe they’d heard about koro? It only affects men, but most women show their deep sympathy by laughing hysterically.

Comments

[Peter Emmett]

I was affected by Koro many years ago and never regained to my full potential manhood. Which is why I personally coined the phrase "it's not the size that matters it's how you use" (well I think I did anyway).

I never told anyone before, which probably means that I prevented another outbreak in the mid-nineties. However it may explain wife my wife's sniggering when I take a shower.

Hope no men are reading this - otherwise grab the twine and anvil now!

[Mrs Emmett]

I do not snigger at my husband in the shower. I roar with laughter.

[Peter Emmett]

Is that you darling. I always thought it was the horse next door.

I wonder if sound proofing is available for showers?

[Mahboob Hossain]

Yes Mr Nury, absolutely right, Bangladesh did have this strange phenomenon which still remains unsolved, infact, as far i remember, many schools were ordered to close down for few days because without any reasons, girl students were fainting. It is so amazing to know what goes on around and no one can answer why it happens, but it does. Any one fainting now??

[Shelly]

I think most of the guys I meet have koro, or am I just unlucky??