Asia's Loch Ness monster

A tale of two monsters, one of whom may exist

By Nury Vittachi

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Happy Birthday, Loch Ness monster. Your present is a big yawn. This is the anniversary of the discovery of the strange creature who is said to live in the largest lake in Britain. Nessie fever started with a sighting on May 1^st, 1933. The Scottish lake now boasts that it has the most famous, best documented monster in the world.

                Yeah, right. What a load of rubbish. There hasn’t been a decent sighting of Nessie for years, and scientists reckon she doesn’t exist.

We have way better monsters in Asia. And that’s even if we exclude heads of state, premiers and army generals.

                I’m talking about the region’s non-human beasts, some of whom might actually exist. Best bet is Orang Pendek, a thing living in Sumatra, Indonesia. A friend from Jakarta described it as “partially human”, a phrase which for some reason made me think of Michael Jackson.

                Unlike the Loch Ness Monster, Orang Pendeks are seen regularly and top scientists are taking an interest.

                There have been numerous sightings of creatures in Sumatra “who move like humans but have unusually large amounts of hair”. I admit, it does sound like it could be the contestants of American Idol doing a location shoot. But some of the sightings pre-date the show.

Researchers have collected dozens of witness accounts, seen more than 20 footprints, and have gathered mystery hairs that don’t match other creatures in the area.  An Australian scientist did a DNA test on a hair and found that it did not match any known human or other two-legged hominid (although I don’t know if he tried Michael Jackson).

                What our creature lacks is the brilliant marketing that the Scottish non-monster has had. I mean, take our guy’s name. Orang Pendek is Bahasa for “short person”. It’s not exactly a term which catches the imagination, is it? It’s hard to imagine a team of Discovery Channel filmmakers saying: “We are going to spend a year living in an unexplored rainforest in the hopes of taking a photo of a real, live Short Person.”

                A tribe of jungle-dwellers who claim to very familiar with the half-human creature told reporters: “We often leave offerings of tobacco to keep them happy.” You probably knew that a carton of 200 Marlboro was a de rigueur gift for government officials in Asia, but did you know it also worked for monsters?

                Orang Pendeks have also been seen in the Himalayas, where they are called Yeti, and in China, where they live in Hubei and are known as The Wild Men of Shennongjia (which could be a good name for a rock band to back Mr. Jackson).

               Henry Gee, editor of top science publication Nature, admitted recently that sentiment was turning in favour of Asian monsters actually existing. “The discovery that Homo floresiensis survived until so very recently, in geological terms, makes it more likely that stories of other mythical human-like creatures such as Yetis are founded on grains of truth,” he said. “Now, cryptozoology, the study of such fabulous creatures, can come in from the cold.”

                The first thing we have to do is all agree that the species called Orang Pendek need a new name. A tourism marketing slogan which simply isn’t going to work in the west is: “Come to Asia and See a Short Person.”

Comments

[beetsy]

Yes, to boost tourism, our Asia monster could use some marketing -- first let's give Orang Pendek an English name -- Michael! (joke stolen from Nury, ROFL!)

[Mrs Wicking]

Way too funny Mr Nury!