After Viagra: the next super-pills

Say yes to drugs

By Nury Vittachi

THIS WEEK, MEDICAL RESEARCHERS all over the world pause for a moment to acknowledge the birthday of the most successful drug of the modern era. Viagra was launched ten years ago.  At a dinner party recently, I was surprised to hear women name it as a breakthrough which had improved the lives of women in Asia.

But isn’t it for men?

            “Men take it for women,” a 40-something woman explained. She and her friends then went on to brainstorm 10 other drugs that needed to be developed and “force-fed” to males.
*

New Drugs For Men (by women)
*
1.       Anniversia: Triggers memories of birthdays and wedding anniversaries while simultaneously loosening spending inhibitions at jewelry shops.
*
2.       Verbiloose: One 10 ml spoon of this before dinner will make a man willing to talk about his feelings for 20 minutes.
*
3.       Slendavis: Widens and flattens the male cornea, making wives appear slim and willowy.
*
4.       Belchex: Adds foul taste to stomach gas making men scared to burp et cetera.
*
5.       Aspirude: Small white tablet that prevents men from telling off-colour jokes at dinner parties.
*
6.       Combovex: Shortens hair at the sides of the head, so men cannot make themselves look silly by combing locks over their bald spot.
*
7.       Sportoblind: Reacts with the optic nerve to prevent men recognizing the word “sports” on the TV schedule.
*
8.       Gadjesterol: Deadens the area of the brain that makes men buy overpriced gadgets.
*
9.       Chorocet: Two spoons at breakfast and your man will have an insatiable desire to do household chores.
*
10.   Storophobex: After 10 c.c. of this a day for two weeks, men are able to go shopping with their wives and wait patiently in stores – even boutiques and underwear shops – for an astonishing four hours.
*
The men at that particular dinner party were not going to take that lying down. They drew up their own list.
*
New Drugs For Women (by men)
*
1.       Tirelynol: Prevents tiredness and headaches at bedtime.
*
2.       Shoppiproofen: Two five ml doses taken at breakfast will enable a woman to walk straight past stores without entering.
*
3.       Moodifix:  Fifteen mls of this doubles the length of time a woman stays in one mood before changing to another, i.e., from about two minutes to four, if you’re lucky.
*
4.       Canotaddium: Reacts with the left side of the brain to alleviate the intrinsic female fear of math.
*
5.       Vaniticillin: Enables women to walk past reflective surfaces without checking make-up.
*
6.       Irrationalicet: Helps women maintain a logical argument without drifting off into side issues, such as, “But do you love me?”
*
7.       Pricetagia: Alleviates female blindness to pricetags.
*
8.       Clarium: Enables women to hold and compare two separate thoughts, such as “Why is my diet not working?” and “I think I’ll have some more chocolate.”
*
9.       Slatewypia: A five c.c. dose of this prevents women from remembering anything their male partner said more than a year ago.
*
10.   Naggicease: Disables the vocal chords for up to five hours.
*
A doctor at the party said that some of the drugs postulated above may even be in production already. That’s interesting, because I’ve just remembered it’s my wife’s birthday soon, and I feel this bizarre urge to head to the jewellery shop…

Comments

[Darwin]

I'm honestly not joking but I saw a bottle with the label 'Retardex' at the pharmacy this week.

[Are you Neo?]

Hmm... and here I thought all this time I have been drinking beer I've just been taking my daily dose of Slendavis?

With our medication addicted society, I am surprised that the Matrix blue and red pill have not proliferated themselves yet (you know- one slaps us awake and the other just keeps us in fantasyland?).

[khirsah]

"4. Belchex: Adds foul taste to stomach gas making men scared to burp et cetera."

I'm not sure if this can really work since men appears to be immune to foul taste and smell. Perhaps something to heighten men's taste and smell would do better?

[perry]

KIk98t ckde82FskbVa9Hhf3d

[Chamin]

My vote for Moodifix!

[Buy Cheap Tadalafil]

Go go mister jam!!!