Guide to global motoring styles

In Asia we all drive round the bend

By Nury Vittachi
THERE’S SOMETHING BIZARRE about road travel in Asia. If you are in a country where people drive in a careful, orderly way, like Japan, cars have a special seatbelt for every bodily protuberance and there’s a death penalty for not wearing the lot. But if you are in a country where people drive like suicidal banshees with their tails on fire (like the countries of Indo-China), many cars have no seatbelts and some don’t even have doors. Life-saving devices are only provided when you don’t need them.

                This column is being written while bouncing in the back of a taxi in China, a country with a very Asian code of driving. In this region, traffic priority is predicated strictly on bulk. Bicycles give way to scooters which give way to motorcycles which give way to cars which give way to trucks which give way to tanks which give way to presidential vehicular entourages which give way to troop carriers from the latest armed coup. Pedestrians give way to everybody, all the time.

                In Asia, traffic lights have the same colours as elsewhere on the planet, but the meanings differ. Green means go. Amber means go faster. Red means put your foot flat on the floor and go through at twice the speed of light (because then no one can see you).

                Yet each major city has its characteristic styles of driving. So here, with help from readers, is The Guide to International Driving Styles.

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Jakarta: Car window open, one arm out, Kretek cigarette between fingers.

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Kuala Lumpur: Car window open, one arm out, other hand holding plastic bag of tea or kopi.

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Dhaka: Car window open, driver’s head sticking out shouting at people to get out of the way.

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Singapore: Car window shut, air-con on, driver thumping steering wheel in frustration that traffic jam won’t let him get his Ferrari into second gear.

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Hong Kong: Car windows shut, one hand on wheel, other hand texting broker to buy securitized hedge fund swap-options.

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Manila: Car window open, one arm out, in-car karaoke playing at full volume, driver singing Feelings.

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Beijing: Car windows closed, driver completely invisible in black shades behind black glass in black car speeding through red lights with no number plate.

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Sydney: Roof down, one arm out, other hand resting lovingly on six-pack of Foster’s on passenger seat.

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Paris: Car window open, Gauloise-bearing hand sticking out, other hand resting lovingly on knee of passenger.

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New York: Car window open, one arm out, middle finger raised.

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Colombo : Car window open, half of driver sticking out of the car to make room for nine family members crammed into it.

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Taipei: Car window open, hands inside vehicle, eyes and tongue of driver extending out of side window to leer at betel nut girls.

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Los Angeles: Driver hunched low beneath baseball cap and shades, back window open, passengers riding shotgun.

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Hanoi: Car window open, one arm out, other arm holding plastic gallon jug of homebrew.

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Macau: Car window shut, driver in a trance as he tries to memorize blackjack card patterns.

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I’d better stop writing now. The traffic lights have turned red and my driver is about to go into warp speed.

Comments

[kit]

funny & apt insights. but fyi, there are hardly any traffic jams in spore. as we have an electronic road pricing system plus cbd zones & etc. the ferrari driver was likely impatient waiting @ the traffic lights!

[Peter Emmett]

Kit, hardly any traffic jams in Singapore???? I nearly sprayed my coffee all over my notebook when I read that...

I don't live there but every time I go to Singapore on a business trip I'm always stuck in a traffic jam - except Sundays, but then you get stuck behind weekend only drivers trying to remember which is the accelerator pedal.

Electronic tagging is just a good way for governments to get money from citizens who are trying to save for a better future. They have no impact on actual road usage control!

[Didier Fayolle]

Well, this is so true for China... Life is worth nothing on the road!
As for Paris, Gauloises are not the trend anymore...Hand on passenger's knee still is!

And thank you for the week days morning fun I have reading your column.

A French in Hong Kong...

[Suzi_Q]

There are no traffic jams in Singapore.
There is no crime in Singapore.
There is no heavy-handed government in Singapore.
There is no press censorship in Singapore.
There is no corruption in Singapore.
Everything is getting better and better every day in every way.
Repeat after me. Everything is getting better and better...

[Vince A]

My experience is that in Manila, drivers do try to base their driving on the traffic lights. They go fast on greeen, slow down on orange, and stop on red.

Unfortunately, they look to the traffic light of the NEXT upcoming crossing rather than the one they're approaching.

[Nury]

Crossing roads in places such as China and India are among the most terrifying experiences known to man. In main cities in China, the roads are up to 10 lanes wide -- and each lane seems to follow different rules. I just wait until a group of locals turns up and then I stand in the middle of them and cross with them. If they don't turn up, I'll be standing there for days.

[Ben]

I think the Taipei one is really close but I would add this:

One hand holding a cigarette, one hand holding a mobile phone to your ear, and betel nut in your mouth. That's more for scooter drivers, but I don't know how it works because they still need at least one hand to use the accelerator.

[Zaved]

I must say a very insightful article. Myself having stayed across many of these Asian cities, I can vouch that it strikes quite a bit of chord, both as a motorist as well as a commuter. Kudos!

[Quentin]

Couple of things, I agree with Peter's response to Kit ... how do you class a traffic jam Kit? Singapore has it's fair share.
Secondly, I take offence at the description of Sydney drivers - not because they look like complete wankers in their expensive convertibles, but because no self respecting Aussie would drink Fosters!!!
And I'd like to add Davao in the Phillipines, which is: Window down (probably missing); one hand on wheel diving in and out of traffic; the other hand (and eyes) on mobile sending text messages.