Asian humour

Yes, we do have a sense of humour

By Nury Vittachi
*

SET ASIDE any notion that Asians have no sense of humour. We have a sharp eye for the absurd. “Life being what it is in Asia, we have the choice of laughing or crying, so we may as well laugh,” said reader Ameena Chowdhury.  A correspondent named Steven Yang agreed that many jokes tended to be “imported and not relevant to the local culture”, so it was worthwhile for us to gather work which “stands uniquely against this trend”. So here’s some humour sent in by readers.
***
This came from a reader in South Asia:
Top tax officials of south Asian countries are on a plane going to a meeting of tax ministers. The Bangladeshi pulls out a thousand rupees. “I’m going to drop this out of the window and make someone happy.” The Sri Lankan official says, “I would rather drop two 500-rupee notes and make two people happy.” The Indian official says, “I would drop 100 ten-rupee notes and make 100 people happy.”

                The pilot says, “I’d like to drop all three of you out and make a billion people happy.”

***
This was received from a student in the United States:
A Chinese girl, newly arrived at Harvard, has a long chat with the librarian about a book she is seeking. Finally he says, "I'll give you a ring tomorrow."

      The Chinese girl is stunned. “Wow,” she says, clapping her hands. “You Americans really work fast.”

***
Recent headline on a newspaper in the Philippines:
“Crucifixion bad for health”. The cutting was sent in by Chato Olivas-Gallo, who commented: “I saw this news headline and thought for a moment I was reading your column.”
***
Five reasons why there won’t be a South Asian in the US White House any time soon.
5. White House not big enough for in-laws.
4. Western dignitaries intimidated by eating with fingers at state dinners.
3. Agarbattis (incense sticks) will set off smoke alarms.
2. Visitors such as Queen Elizabeth won’t like having to take off shoes at the door.
1. Aides will dislike being addressed as “Peon” and being made to live in huts in the garden.
***
Here’s a piece of globalized humour, both Eastern and Western:

Barack Obama goes to China to see how the Olympic preparations are coming along. “How come you guys win all the medals?” he asks.

                The Chinese coach replies: “We train all our sports people using Asian philosophy. I’ll show you.”

                Basketball player Yao Ming is passing by. The Chinese coach asks him: “He is not your brother, but he is your father’s son. Who is he?”

                Yao Ming thinks for a few seconds. “It is me.”

                “Interesting, thanks,” says Obama. He goes back to America and visits footballer David Beckham, who now lives in Los Angeles. “David, here’s a riddle. He is not your brother but he is your father’s son. Who is he?”

                “Wot? I dunno,” says Beckham.

                “It’s Asian philosophical training. Think about it,” says Obama.

                Beckham goes to consult Tiger Woods, a sportsman with Asian blood. “He is not your brother but he is your father’s son. Who is he?”

                Tiger Woods thinks about it. “I know. It’s me.”

                David Beckham goes back to see Obama. “I know the answer to the riddle.”

                “What is it?” Obama asks.

                “It’s Tiger Woods,” says Beckham.
                “No, you idiot,” says Obama. “It’s Yao Ming.”

Comments

[Peter Emmett]

6th reason "why there won’t be a South Asian in the US White House any time soon."

Legislation exists making it illegal to chop down the white house trees and concrete its lawn.

[samantha]

7th reason, White House dining room not equipped for 129 diners who prefer to sit cross-legged on the floor, and that's just the immediate family.

[Mister Twenty-One]

I was ranting the other day about the movie based on a true story "21" about the kids who used their math skills to count cards in Vegas and how the real life Asian Kids were turned into Caucasians* in the movie when an acquaintance mentioned to me," the reason all the characters were white was because it was 'formatted to fit your screen'"

*Hell, he could have said that the word Asian is in Caucasian so they got it right in a way right?

[sammi]

The whole "21" thing is so maddening. How could they dare to turn a group of Asians into white people? What about history? It's supposed to be based on a true story? What about truth? Or am I just being naive.

[Zaved]

Well, Asian humour also holds true even in real life... for instance one of my old friends, who was in his very 1st sophmore class in college, asked for a "rubber" from his female classmate, instead of asking for an "erasure"...this can get you in a bit of a pot, eh??

['formatted to fit your screen']

Sammi- Re: 21, I thought the comment "the reason all the characters were white was because it was 'formatted to fit your screen'" summed it up pretty well...

[Nury]

There are some fascinating issues cropping up here -- funnily enough, this has been a topic of dismay for 50 years! In my father's day, there was an outcry when the biopic of Genghis Khan (in 1956) starred... John Wayne! He did the whole thing in a sort of Texas accent.

[Catterpillarboy]

I wondered by Outer Mongolia looked like Arizona!

[catterpillarboy]

Another thing about the '21' issue is that they obliterated all trace of ethnicity in the lead (who in real life was Asian) completely giving the character a whitewash in name, looks and background...but yeah, they totally could have gone yellowface like John Wayne in The Conqueror.

[Jan]

So how does the tv series of 'The Water Margin' fit into all this? As I understand it, the stories of the outlaws of the marshes are Chinese, traditional. But the series was made in Japanese, with Japanese actors and directors......... and sing-song dubbing in poor English to match the 1980-ish stereotypes....all velly confusing [but absolutely addictive ]

[idle]

I only understood the one about the Chinese girl in Harvard when I skimmed over the column the second time... :D

[Vince A]

Been stumped trying to come up with a joke that is a)native and b)translates well into English.

Here's one which I am sure is Filipino:

A Japanese tourist visits Manila and takes a cab from the airport. The cab passed by the Cultural Centre (pride of Manila in the 70s):

Japanese: How long did they build that building?

Cab driver: (proudly) Sir, I tink 300 days

Japanes: Oh, so slow. In Japan everything very fast. We can build that in 180 days

Next they pass by another huge landmark, built on large reclaimed land:

Japanese: That one, how many days to build it?

Cab driver: (now irritated) Sir, about 100 days only!

Japanese: (unimpressed) Oh, so slow. In Japan everything very fast. We can build that in 50 days

They arrive at the Jap's hotel.

Japanese: How much is fare?

Cab driver: One hundred US dollars!

Japanese: Wow so expensive! Just a 10 minute drive

Cab driver: (points to the meter) Sir, meter made in Japan. Very fast.

[Shaik Anwar Ahamath]

There is a popular sit-com on TV in UK (Fawlty Towers) based in a chaotic hotel. The butt of most of the jokes is a Spanish waiter and the misunderstandings emanating from his ignorance of English. Nevertheless the series was sold all over the world, including Spain. In the Spanish version the waiter became Polish. In the Polish version the waiter became Albanian and so on. It would be interesting to find out how other versions' waiter-nationality fared across the world.

[Asia Schmashia]

Where is this "Asia"? Siberia, India, China and Indonesia all as one, big, uniform whole. Yes, of course, just like you can intelligently speak about "those Africans", cause the people in Congo are exactly like those Morocco people, not to mention Europeans, because as we all know, Romanian people, Greek people and Swedish people are exactly the same. Its almost getting as rational as those famous "Americans". As we are all aware of the people in the USA are so utterly identical to Bolivians and Brazilians they have the right to monopolize the name "American", right?

[R.V.Ramani]

It is real good
RVR

good..........

[kathy chan]

2/3=0.6666666 1/3=0.33333333333 longevity endless dynasty chinese superstition feng shui horoscope scientology catholic continue.......

[k chan]

President Obama quotes :A pen is a pen. One plus one equals to two OK. ......When penis get penile carcinoma,split in two, is this life sentence in english jurisdiction .........QE II

[a choi]

President Obama signs PLUS CRDIT CARD repitition one plus one equals to 2 20th JAN Big day of INAUGARATION.......

[wena]

one reason why there wont be an asian in the white house soon...it will be hilarious seeing them the following day after a night of over enjoying kARAOKe......